Excerpt from The Vancouver Sun: “Demonstrators take part in the “Slutwalk” protest in Toronto, Sunday April 3, 2011. Protesters hit the streets to protest against rape and sexual crimes in response to Toronto Police Const. Michael Sanguinetti, quoted as saying “Women should avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be victimized.””
I realize that this may appear to be slightly off topic, but I feel that it is relevant. Although it makes me feel deeply sad, I am not shocked by Toronto Police Const. Michael Sanguinetti’s statement. It is what women face. That is the reality of being a woman in our society. Although we have made progress, we are not there yet. To bring this into perspective, I will expand on my own personal issues around the “slut” stigma. I have passion for Tantra, sacred sexuality, sex, making love, erotic writing, erotic hypnosis, and basically anything related to human sexuality. At the same time, I am a daughter, sister, friend, mother, and a monogamous woman who has been married for well over a decade.
In my entire adult life (from the time I was over 18 yrs. of age), I have not had sex outside of my marriage. I have maintained a wonderfully balanced, healthy and truly satisfying monogamous marriage. The title of my site is: Tantrachick, but my username is Tantraslut, even though my behaviour in life does not reflect the definition of “slut”: “Slut or slattern has been used in the past primarily as a pejorative term meaning an individual who is sexually promiscuous. The term is generally applied to women and was an insult or offensive term of disparagement, meaning “dirty or slovenly.”
However, I chose Tantraslut because of the “whore factor”. A wise woman whose passion is also Sacred sexuality once told me that, the reason many women do not pursue erotic writing, or other professions/hobbies associated with sexuality is because they are terrified of being treated as or labeled as a whore. Hence the name, the whore factor. What she said rang true for me. I have been literally terrified of what other individuals would think of me if they knew that I was an erotic writer. My Tantra practice also had boundaries in place and was focused on the art of human connection, communication, and compassionate rather than sexual touch. However, because of the taboo nature of Tantra, my path could be looked at from a number of different perspectives.
Something that helped me immensely, was a Quodoshka workshop on sacred sexuality that I attended. During the question and answer portion of the presentation, I asked the presenter, a deeply empowered sexual advocate, how she manages the role of Sacred Sexuality Professional while also being a grandmother. She explained to me that, for her, it is all about the masks we wear in life. She used the example of a woman in a board meeting. On the surface, she may look like any other woman dressed in a plain business suit. However, beneath her suit, she may be wearing a garter belt with stockings… on the surface and inside, she is no different than any other woman. What she does in her private life is not a reflection of who she is, simply a mask she wears.
She told me that, in order to reach my full potential as a human being, I have to let go of fear…not allow it to hold me back and be who I am. Allow my inner light to shine. My husband is an incredible man. He often edits my writings and encourages me to let go of social stigmas and break the mold. This is one of the many, many reasons I love him so completely. He not only accepts me for who I am, but encourages me to not hide in the shadows, rather to find an outlet for me to express my passion.
I must say…living as a conventional woman with an unconventional profession has it’s challenges. It is not easy to stay strong in the face of judgment, but for some unexplainable reason, one of my deepest passions is Tantra and the art of human sexuality. I have a message to share. My message is that sex and sexual expression is healthy. Sex can be blissful, outrageous, calm, sensual, loving, kind, exciting, bold, wild, tame, but most importantly….sex is not violence.
The Bottom Line: Rape is violence, not sex. No matter what a man or woman does, how he/she dresses, where he/she works, or what part of the world he/she lives in…no one has the right to rape, molest, or sexually abuse another human being. PERIOD!