At the beginning of a relationship, most couples feel a sense of deep happiness, love, connection and excitement. For many married couples, their wedding day was one of the happiest days of their lives. Unfortunately, as we all know, divorce rates are sky rocketing, infidelity is through the roof and a high percentage of couples wind up feeling disconnected not only from their partner, but from themselves as well.
With the pressures of life, the to-do lists, and the financial burdens most individuals face, it is tricky to find time to truly connect with our partners. I’d love to tell you that there are a few quick and easy things you can do right now to reconnect with your partner and ensure relationship success. However, the reality is that there are no quick fixes. Having a long term relationship that is deeply satisfying takes more than a couple of date nights and a sensual massage every now and again.
Although my husband and I have been in a monogamous relationship well over 10 years, we are approaching our 10 year wedding anniversary! I am pleased to say that we have maintained not only intimacy and sexual satisfaction, but we actually like and love each other! We are able to laugh, have fun and we truly enjoy spending time together. We still have our spark! In fact, our spark feels more intense and exciting now than it did at the beginning of our relationship.
I was contemplating our love this morning….trying to figure out the most vital ingredients. The following are some of the aspects of our relationship that I believe are vital to our happiness:
1. Open and brutally honest communication
2. Being able to laugh at ourselves and together
3. Focusing on maintaining a healthy, satisfying and active sex life
4. Ensuring that we take time together to celebrate our connection
5. Maintaining our individuality and continuing to focus on our own passions in life
6. Taking it slow…making sure we spend some time just sitting at the ocean with a glass of wine, reading a book together, or going on a romantic walk
7. COMMITMENT! This is definitely the most important ingredient in the success of our relationship.
I have so many couples who ask me for relationship advice. There is no one right answer to finding happiness. Each couple’s path to success and happiness is as unique as the people in the relationship. There are no right answers that will apply to all relationships. The ideas above may give you some helpful information or ideas, but, in order to be successful in your relationship, you need to open the lines of communication with both yourself and your partner.
If you are struggling to feel passionate about your relationship, reflect on a time when the two of you were truly happy. Try and figure out what your relationship happiness ingredients are….maybe you want to make love more often, go out dancing, spend time just talking, go on a couple’s retreat together, or perhaps you have forgotten how to be an individual and need to schedule some you time.
Whatever your goal or vision is for your relationship, the most important thing to remember is to be patient with both yourself and your partner. “Anything worth having is worth waiting for.”