Lover's Massage by Joy


Well, I previously posted a link to the White Lotus site, but I have continued to receive so many requests for me to describe the process from my own perspective, I guess I should give it a whirl. If you want to give your lover a yoni massage, there are a few key things you need to understand. First off, you don’t just jump right in and give it a go. You must first prepare the space. I recommend tidying and clearing the space as your first step. You want to ensure that your Goddess is able to relax. A clean and clear space will assist her in feeling at ease so that she can let go of her “to do list” and relax into the moment.

It is nice if you can set out candles, or have a dim light, getting a massage under bright lights is not as relaxing:-) I also suggest that you prepare some of her favorite snacks and beverages in case she becomes hungry or thirsty during the process. It is nice to have water, herbal tea, fresh juice and her favorite wine or drink so that she may choose for herself what suits her fancy. As for the snacks, prepare light snacks such as fruits, crackers with artisan cheeses, and of course chocolate! You can perform the massage on your bed or a massage table, whatever you prefer. The benefit of a massage table is that you will have better access to all areas of her body without straining yourself and it may be slightly more comfortable for her, but a bed is fine if you don’t have a massage table.

Ask her to have a shower or bath directly before her massage so that she feels fresh and calm. Provide her with a nice fluffy towel and a sensual robe…remember, she is a Goddess and she deserves the very best. While she is bathing, you may ask her if she’d like you to wash her back or if she’d like you to join her. It’s a nice way to begin the intimate feelings of the evening. You can also offer to dry her off and help her into her robe. Gently lead her to your prepared massage space and ask her to lie down on her stomach. If she is large busted, offer her a pillow to place under her breasts. Also make sure you have a pillow to place beneath her feet, which will take the pressure off her knees.

Make sure you have sufficiently warmed the room ahead of time. Ask her if she is warm and comfortable. Once you are positive she is comfortable, you will place a sheet over her bottom and her legs. This will allow her to let go more easily and will ensure that she is warm enough. I prefer to be fully nude during massages with my lover, but many women like the comfort of the sheet. It is always best to ask what her preference is so that you can provide her with a delicious experience. I like to use organic oils of high quality. Some of my favorites are tea oil and almond oil (make sure she is not allergic to nuts!). If she has her hair in a pony tail, you may wish to carefully remove it for her comfort.

Make sure you warm your oil. You can buy a squeeze bottle or a pump top bottle (either glass or plastic) and place it in a pot of warm water to heat it. Check the oil temperature on the inside of your wrist first to make sure it is not too hot. Begin your Tantric massage by pouring oil on her shoulder blades and gently spread it across her entire back so that your hands glide easily across her skin. You proceed like this until you have massaged her entire back. If this is your fist lover’s massage, it is important that you build her comfort level.

While massaging her inner thighs and her buttocks, be respectful and read her body language to see if you are pushing her boundaries. It is vital that your Goddess is relaxed and comfortable with where your hands are flowing. The most important thing for you to remember is that the intention of this massage is to relax, embrace, respect and pleasure your lover. In fact, sometimes a yoni massage is focused entirely on healing and increasing trust and openness. In this case, there is very little focus on sexual stimulation. You must communicate with your lover and follow both her verbal and non-verbal guidance.

Once you are finished massaging her back, legs, and the back of her neck, have her roll over onto her back. Place a pillow beneath her head and another beneath her knees. You can now gently drip warm oil onto her body. I enjoy allowing the warm drips of oil to flow onto the Goddess’s breasts and nipples. It can be very stimulating for her. Once again, remember that this is about worshiping and honoring your Goddess, so make sure she feels at ease. You may now delicately and respectfully massage her breasts, arms, hands, fingers, and abdomen. Be extra careful while massaging her breasts, especially while gliding your hands across her nipples. Some women prefer that you avoid touching their nipples entirely, so ask first what her she prefers. While caressing her abdomen, it is important to be gentle, as this can be a very sensitive area for a woman.

As her energy builds, work your way down her legs, completely avoiding her yoni at first. As you bring your hands along her legs towards her belly, you can gently brush her yoni, but be deeply respectful. The idea is to bring her arousal to a higher level, but more through your connection than through your physical actions. Be sure you breathe deeply yourself and throughout the massage, you can place your hand on her heart Chakra (in the center of her chest) to deepen your connection and allow your heart energy to connect with your Goddess. The yoni massage itself is left until the entire body has been massaged and your lover is fully relaxed.

At this point it is vitally important that you ask permission to massage your lover’s yoni. Even if you are longtime lovers, it is an important step in honoring and cherishing your lover as Shakti, your Goddess. If she gives you permission, you will apply a liberal amount of warm oil, dripping it over her clitoris and spreading it across her yoni. The actual massage part of the yoni honoring is as delicate as butterfly wings. It is quite different from anything you may have experienced previously. I can only guide you so far with words. You must explore carefully with the full understanding that you are the giver and your lover is the receiver. You must continue to read her body language and communicate openly so that you can fully understand what feels good for her.

Over the years, I have massaged many, many Goddesses. Each woman is unique and therefore must be treated as such. There is no one right way to massage a woman’s yoni, breasts, or for that matter, to make love to a woman. We have our own rhythm, comfort level and way that we enjoy being caressed. For instance, if I am ovulating, I enjoy a deeper yoni massage with a firmer touch, but if I am approaching my moon cycle, I prefer a delicate and flowing touch. This is why my lover and I continue to communicate even after well over a decade of making love and massaging each other. Because we are so deeply connected, we are able to communicate fully with our body language, but when you’re first starting out, don’t be afraid to communicate verbally.

Remember to relax, breathe, and connect with your lover. If at first you are able to provide her with some truly needed relaxation, but not bring her to an orgasmic state of bliss, that’s wonderful. If you have patience and take your time, you will get there. Not every woman has the joy of experiencing an orgasm. It is no fun at all to feel pressured, which is why it is important to keep in mind that the intention of a lover’s massage, Tantric massage and yoni massage is not necessarily to have a mind-blowing orgasm….it’s to deepen your connection with yourself and your lover. If you want to see a sample of my massage techniques, you can watch my Tantric Massage Video

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Whooshh…I’m ready to log off and relax with my own lover:-) If you have questions, please do not hesitate to ask!

2 Comments Add yours

  1. Thank you Joy, a wonderful description and guide.
    I guess staying in tune with each other, and in particular with what your goddess feels comefortable with and enjoys is key. I guess this has a great deal to do with trust and intimacy.
    You do mention that ‘Tantric massage and yoni massage is not necessarily to have a mind-blowing orgasm….it’s to deepen your connection with yourself and your lover’.
    I do understand this, but do you believe that Tantric massage can be a better facilitator for female ejaculation or do you think female ejaculation and Tantric massage have nothing to do with each other?
    I ask this from experience as when I practised, at a playshop, Tantric massage – the subject of female eejaculation was brought up frequently.

    1. Tantrachick says:

      Staying in tune is an absolute must. Ensuring that your Goddess feels comfortable is also “key” as you clarified. In my own experience, trust is vital. Intimacy as well, but it is actually not as important, depending on the intention for the session. I’m not sure I even realized this until this moment. That is what I love about back and forth interaction, it makes us think on a deeper level and consider things we may not otherwise consider. In my practice, I have assisted women in achieving orgasm, but also provided them with a safe space to explore their own sexuality or to heal from past sexual trauma. While I am the type of individual who rapidly develops a deep connection and trust level with my female clients, I wouldn’t necessarily say that we have a deep level of intimacy. In fact, in these sessions, I am the giver and they are the receiver. There is absolutely no exchange, I am simply the facilitator of their experience. I know it may sound odd to some of you, but my sessions, even the more “intimate” ones with my female clients are in no way a sexual experience for me. I do not view the entire process as a sexual process. But that’s just my point of view and how I experience Tantra.

      It is entirely different within my relationship with my husband. Our massage sessions may be deeply sexual, simply sensual, or entirely focused on a break through or on healing an issue. At the beginning of our massage sessions, we clarify the roles we will play. For instance, I may be in a mood to receive without the expectation that he will receive a massage. Or, I may not be positive that I want to experience the more sexual side of Tantric massage, or I may be feeling especially randy and desire the entire focus to be on bringing me to a “mind blowing orgasm”. As for the female ejaculation question, it is more complex. I will take my time and write a post on Tantric Massage and Female Ejaculation.

      Thanks again Mark for your openness!

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