Monogamous Relationships, Open Realtionships & Dogma

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“Before I understood how to open with you, I tried giving you orgasms so I knew I was a good lover. But now, all I want is your surrender. I want your heart’s pleasure to ripple through your open body and saturate my life with your love.

Your body’s openness to love’s flow draws me into you, and through your heart’s surrender I am opened to the love that lives as the universe. Whether you have an orgasm or not while we make love, your body’s trust and devotional openness is my secret doorway to love’s deepest bliss.”–From “Dear Lover,” by David Deida

I found this little gem hidden in a facebook debate about monogamy! I am floored! I must read David’s book! This is such a beautiful expression of the endless possibilities that are available in a monogamous relationship.

My point here is not to say that monogamy is the way, but I feel the need to express that monogamy is ‘the way’ for some lovers, myself and my partner included, just as having an open or poly relationship is the way for some couples.

Recently, I have noticed a surge of attacks on monogamous relationships. We must remember that each relationship and each individual is unique. When my husband was single, he traveled across the US and Canada, attending rainbow gatherings. While sexual opportunities were abundant, he chose to abstain. He has always been a man who honors deep connection with his partner. He is an example of one man who has a monogamous approach to relationships.

I believe that his particular approach to sex and relationships may have been shaped more by his environment growing up rather than his internal sex drive, but regardless of the origin, his need is for a deep connection with one woman.

In fact, of the two of us, I have slept with 3 times as many people as he and, while I have a deep emotional connection with Mountain that makes my mind, body, heart and spirit sing, when I was single, my sexual encounters were mainly focused on exploration and both self and partner awareness rather than emotional connection.

My intention in this post is to note that; when we express or defend our own beliefs, especially when we are attempting to defend beliefs that are not generally accepted by society; we have a personal responsibility to ensure that we continue to honor diversity. Otherwise, we become dogmatic, which is likely what we were trying to escape in the first place.

2 Comments Add yours

  1. Ruby says:

    I look at you, you bite your tongue
    You don’t know why or where I’m coming from
    But in my head I’m close to you
    We’re in the rain still searching for the sun

    You think that I want to run and hide
    That I keep it all locked up inside
    but I just want you to find me

    I’m not lost; not lost, just undiscovered
    And when we’re alone we are all the same as each other

    You see the look that’s on my face
    You might think I’m out of place
    I’m not lost, no, no, just undiscovered

    Well the time it takes to know someone
    It all can change before you know it’s gone
    So close your eyes and I feel the way I’m with you now
    Believe there’s nothing wrong

    I’m not running, I’m not hiding
    But if you dig a little deeper, you will find me

    Undiscovered by Jim Morrison

    1. Tantrachick says:

      So beautiful! thanks so much for sharing Ruby!

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