“Before I understood how to open with you, I tried giving you orgasms so I knew I was a good lover. But now, all I want is your surrender. I want your heart’s pleasure to ripple through your open body and saturate my life with your love.
Your body’s openness to love’s flow draws me into you, and through your heart’s surrender I am opened to the love that lives as the universe. Whether you have an orgasm or not while we make love, your body’s trust and devotional openness is my secret doorway to love’s deepest bliss.”–From “Dear Lover,” by David Deida
I found this little gem hidden in a facebook debate about monogamy! I am floored! I must read David’s book! This is such a beautiful expression of the endless possibilities that are available in a monogamous relationship.
My point here is not to say that monogamy is the way, but I feel the need to express that monogamy is ‘the way’ for some lovers, myself and my partner included, just as having an open or poly relationship is the way for some couples.
Recently, I have noticed a surge of attacks on monogamous relationships. We must remember that each relationship and each individual is unique. When my husband was single, he traveled across the US and Canada, attending rainbow gatherings. While sexual opportunities were abundant, he chose to abstain. He has always been a man who honors deep connection with his partner. He is an example of one man who has a monogamous approach to relationships.
I believe that his particular approach to sex and relationships may have been shaped more by his environment growing up rather than his internal sex drive, but regardless of the origin, his need is for a deep connection with one woman.
In fact, of the two of us, I have slept with 3 times as many people as he and, while I have a deep emotional connection with Mountain that makes my mind, body, heart and spirit sing, when I was single, my sexual encounters were mainly focused on exploration and both self and partner awareness rather than emotional connection.
My intention in this post is to note that; when we express or defend our own beliefs, especially when we are attempting to defend beliefs that are not generally accepted by society; we have a personal responsibility to ensure that we continue to honor diversity. Otherwise, we become dogmatic, which is likely what we were trying to escape in the first place.