I haven’t touched base on this topic yet, so thought I would share. I contacted a lovely couple who attended a series of sessions and workshop with me to ask if they minded me anonymously sharing their story. They responded with an enthusiastic yes! I have changed the names and identifying factors to protect their identity.
First things first…what is a sex coach?
Answering this question is tricky at best. Most of us know what a life coach is, but sex coaches, being a new edition to life coaching, are still a bit of a mystery to most folks. There are likely as many approaches to sex coaching as there are sex positions, so I will simply share my personal approach.
The process looks something like this:
I communicate via email or phone with a couple to find out more about their history, the motivation for attending sessions and their desired outcome. If we all feel comfortable moving forward, we book our initial session.
Most sessions are a minimum of four hours in length. We begin with a friendly and illuminating chat over tea. My top priority is to help both individuals feel at ease and to make sure that neither partner feels blocked or fearful about proceeding.
I feel that, when describing an intimate process such as sex coaching, it is nice to use a ‘case study session’ to illustrate my approach. Kate and John have been kind enough to allow me to share their story with you (names changed to protect their privacy).
As usual, I arrived 15 minutes early for my session with Kate and John. I approached their beautiful Victorian house and found myself lost in the beauty of the cherry blossoms blooming along their street.
I immediately noticed the pile of kid’s shoes on the front porch, taking note of the fact that Kate hadn’t mentioned children during our lengthy phone conversations or during our email communication. I knocked and waited patiently, enjoying the warmth of the sun and the beauty of their cute little neighborhood.
I waited for a good five minutes before I heard some noise coming from the house. I knocked again to make sure they had heard me. John answered the door, looking a little stressed. He invited me in, chattering away about how Kate was caught up with work and would be running a bit behind.
As I entered their beautiful home, it was apparent that John had rushed around cleaning frantically in an attempt to ‘clear the space’ for their upcoming session. It was also obvious that he was slightly nervous, but as we chatted, I could see his body language changing as he became increasingly comfortable with me.
We both took a deep sigh of relief when Kate arrived. She was chipper and had no issue showing displays of affection towards John, who seemed a little less comfortable with public displays of affection.
We sat and chatted over tea for around 30-45 minutes and then Kate informed me that they were now ready to get started with their session. I suggested that they take a quick shower together to freshen up, which seemed to surprise them.
I saw them gaze nervously into each other’s eyes..not positive, but pretty sure I saw a flare of excitement flash through their eyes. They agreed to the shower, which took much longer than I had anticipated. When they emerged in their fluffy white robes from the steamy shower, they were much more relaxed.
Kate led us upstairs to their bedroom, which is where they had decided to have their session. She had not yet been into their bedroom since she returned from work. John had prepared the room with candles, incense, and had draped silks across their furniture to create a ‘sacred space’.
Kate’s eyes filled with tears…in that moment I knew for certain that their session would be magical. John had also set up my massage table, which Kate had picked up the day before in prep for their session. He had done a beautiful job. He had even placed some white wine in a chiller with three crystal wine glasses. Beautiful!
There was no need to explain the process, as Kate and I had talked on the phone many times and I had sent them an email with their individualized program. We had agreed that John would receive the first massage session, to be followed by Kate, but Kate decided she wanted to go first.
She shed her robe like a brave Goddess. There was no hesitation in her body language as she laid face down on the massage table. John stood back, not sure what to do with himself. In an attempt to calm his nerves, I suggested that he simply watch my technique for a few moments. He nodded, looking quite relieved.
John had even remembered to heat the organic almond oil for Kate. This warmed my heart. It is a detail often overlooked. I took a few deep breaths, bringing my right hand to my heart chakra and placed my left hand on the center of Kate’s back. She let out a deep sigh, allowing a gentle moan to escape as she exhaled…
I began her massage by dripping the warm oil across her back, being sure to intentionally drip the oil on the base of her spine and other important energy centers in her body. As my hands began dancing rhythmically across Kate’s back, buttocks, shoulders, legs and feet, John stood as still as a statue, simply taking in the beauty of the moment.
After nearly and hour, I gently guided Kate onto her back. As I began dripping the warm oil on her breasts, belly and legs, John stepped forward, standing on the opposite side of the table. We did not speak, as it was important to hold the space for Kate.
I was pleasantly surprised by his skill. He allowed my hands to lead, following my movements with careful precision. As we worked our way down Kate’s body, she was becoming visibly aroused. I asked permission to teach John the art of yoni massage, which we had discussed before and agreed was vital to their sex life.
Kate nodded her agreement. I placed a non-latex glove over my right hand, leaving my left hand bare. I began massaging Kate’s abdomen, hips, thighs and inner thighs. As her breathing deepened and her body language spoke of her readiness, I gently began caressing her yoni.
I looked up to meet John’s eyes and immediately saw his discomfort…In response, I placed my hand on his and guided him towards his lover’s yoni. Using my hand and various parts of Kate’s body to illustrate the proper techniques, I taught John how to not only pleasure, but honor his lover’s yoni.
It was then that Kate spoke…she asked me to help her find her g-spot. I looked up to John; not so much for approval, but out of respect. His look had shifted entirely. It was obvious that he was eager to learn as well. I do not ask partner’s for permission, per se, as each participant is an individual with the right to make their own choices, but it is much more pleasant when we are all on the same page.
I began gently massaging Kate’s yoni, paying special attention to her nipples, her breath and the muscles in her legs as my guide. When her breathing was deep, her nipples fully erect, her legs relaxed and open, I knew the timing was right…
I gently massaged her clitoris with my thumb and delicately inserted my pointer and middle finger of the same hand into Kate’s yoni. Kate was outwardly and inwardly aroused, but also quite alert. It was her deepest desire to learn how to activate and engage her g-spot.
Even through the thin layer of the glove, I immediately felt the slightly raised texture of her g-spot. At first, she commented that she felt nothing in the area I was stimulating, but as I continued to stimulate her, she began to feel a gentle ‘heat’ flowing from this area of her body.
I guided her hand towards her yoni and asked her to explore herself and see if it was more powerful when she stimulated herself. She also immediately discovered her g-spot, which surprised her, considering she was in her late forties and had never been able to locate it herself.
She reached for her lovers’ hand and led him to her g-spot. I could see by the look in his eyes that he was delighted, not for himself, but for his lover. Kate abruptly jerked John’s hand away and addressed me directly. She asked if I would be comfortable bringing her to orgasm.
I hesitated for a moment, looking to John and her to make sure that they were both comfortable. They were. I took a deep breath, channeled my life force energy and began massaging Kate’s entire body with a focus on her erogenous zones. I silently directed John to massage Kate’s breasts and nipples as I slid my hands into Kate’s inviting yoni.
As Kate entered a Tantric trance, I could feel her heating around fingers. Her nectar began to flow from her as her entire body quivered and shook….she let out a series of deep, throaty moans as her orgasm rippled through the very fibre of her being. I could feel her g-spot awakening, her body responding and her Goddess emerging from the darkness….
After removing my glove, I placed my right hand on Kate’s heart chakra and John instinctively placed Kate’s hand on his heart chakra…it was an incredibly powerful moment….As if on cue, Kate jumped down from the table, wiggled her hips, bringing John to her body and they embraced. I left briefly to honor their connection, only re-entering when asked.
John’s massage was slightly more guarded. He was not as comfortable, but did manage to melt into the touch of two Goddesses over time. We were patient with him and I left again for nearly 30 minutes so that Kate could bring him into the right space for the next phase of their journey…
When I re-entered their sacred space, the pure joy, bliss and deep relaxation I witnessed brought tears to my eyes. It was such a divinely sensual moment; I was so honored to be a part of their journey.
The next phase of their session was the most intimate. Kate and John had been together since they were just youngsters. Unfortunately, although they shared a deep love for one another, their sex life had never flowed. They found that their rhythm was off, neither had learned how to engage the other’s body and they were often quite reserved.
I think part of this was due to the depth of their professional lives. They both worked really hard and found it quite difficult to shed their tough exterior while making love. Unfortunately, this is fairly common in our society.
As we began discussing how to approach the next phase, it was John who asked that we move forward in silence, trusting now in my ability to guide them. I was honestly quite choked up by his lovely sentiment, as was Kate.
I asked them to move into what I call “connecting‘….it is a position similar to the scissors position, but with a few minor adjustments. Despite John’s original apprehensions, he had no issues maintaining his erection throughout the process…As Kate and John merged into making love, some of the issues they were facing were immediately clear.
Kate was placing her body in ways that enhanced her beauty and not her pleasure. John was encouraging Kate in this direction by guiding her hips into increasingly uncomfortable positions. I asked that they slow for a moment, take a deep breath together and do some heart connecting and soul gazing.
They were both outwardly uncomfortable with the idea of opening their hearts to one another and gazing into each other’s eyes, thus dropping their guards and masks. Within a few moments of looking into each other’s eyes, they were both sobbing.
I left once again for a few moments to honor their space. When I returned, I could see that deep healing had taken place. During the next phase, they needed very little guidance. I asked Kate to honor and express her pleasure. I also asked John to imagine that Kate was his ‘Shakti’ his Goddess…he said well of course she is.
I agreed, saying that, you are also Kate’s Shiva….Shakti and Shiva honor each other’s pleasure as sacred. This seemed to resonate with both John and Kate. As they melted into making love, I adjusted their hands and positions a couple of times and then left the room so that they could explore each other without inhibitions.
I was so pleased to hear their shouts and screams of ecstasy. By the time I left, their session had lasted over 6 hours! I left them collapsed in a pile of sheets, blankets and rose petals when I left. The bliss, pleasure, and sexual energy hung in the air like a gentle mist rising over the ocean.
I will never forget their session. It is over two years since I have had a session with Kate and John, but we still maintain contact. They email me now and then with a quick question about a new position or just to express their gratitude. It is a true honor to watch a couples’ love for each other grow and transform through the art, beauty and passion of Tantric sex.
Something that I regularly hear from my clients is that they are pleased with my ability to guide them without interference. In addition, cleints often appreciate that, while I am present durin gtheir most intimate moments, I maintain the role of coach rather than participant.
As a Tantric sex coach who deeply honors the intimate connections of a couple, this is my intention…to guide, hold space and facilitate sensual awakening…To ‘Kate’ and ‘John’, thank you from the bottom of my heart for allowing me to share your inspiring sotry….may you be happy!