I am pleased with the timing of Londons’ submission. Makes sense to hear from a man on father’s day! Thanks for your submission, London! I must admit, this is an area of sexuality that I have little personal experience with…I think I may have even learned a thing or two!
What is an Ethical Pervert? by London Faerie
On my business card I describe myself as an Ethical Pervert. The phrase was inspired by the wonderful Dossie Easton, whose book The Ethical Slut changed my life. When I first heard about this book, which extols the virtues of non-monogamy, I was drawn to it because of the funny, playful juxtaposing title. How could someone be ethical and a slut? Weren’t these things mutually exclusive?
That was a long time ago, and I understand much better now how it’s possible to be both. Along the way I’ve also learnt how to be ethical and kinky. I learnt both out of necessity – because being slutty and kinky were dirty dreams for me, things I did with strangers in late-night chatrooms after my wife had gone to bed.
I had inherited plenty of shame around sex from my (Jewish) family, and now I wanted to do what? Whips and chains? Crawling at a Mistress’ feet? Sex with lots of people? There must be something deeply wrong with me. Oi vey, I heard them say, what did we do to deserve this?
I finally plucked up the courage to tentatively explore fetish and BDSM in 2001. At that time Skin Two was the major resource for kinky folk in the UK. In the magazine they called kinky folk “perverts” or the more colloquial “perves” – a reclaiming that felt just as fresh and exciting to me as Dossie’s use of ‘slut’ or the LGBT community’s use of ‘queer’. These words had been used against us, to denote society’s disgust and to emphasise our shame. What better way to reclaim them than to use them to describe ourselves?
Over the 10 years that followed I’ve become an Ethical Pervert. Sometimes I go so deep into surrender myself that I can’t talk for half an hour afterwards. Sometimes I beat people so hard and for so long that they’re bruised for a week. And sometimes we put a load of needles in each other. I have discovered a world of pleasures beyond what most people consider acceptable. And as I’ve learnt to accept my desires and let go of my shame around them, I have become better and better at sharing these kinky delights with others.
But what makes it ethical? Simply that everything I do, I do with full consent. I only dominate people who enjoy being dominated. When someone gives me their power, I take it like a beautiful delicate little bird, holding it carefully and reverently in both hands and thanking them for their trust in me. And when the scene is over I return it to them intact, slightly stronger and more powerful for the courage it took them to give it up.
So that’s why I call myself an Ethical Pervert.
Author’s Bio: London Faerie is a BDSM Professional and Kinky Coach based in London. He practices Sacred Kink: a broad range of Tantric practices that take clients into an altered state of consciousness through BDSM.
He also runs Sacred Pleasures, London’s sex-positive space for personal growth, where he creates and enables magical spaces in partnership with some amazing teachers and healers.