Connections: Culture, Sex and Sexual Knowledge

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One afternoon, a lovely, tiny, wrinkled older man in his late seventies arrived for his session. After chatting for a few moments, I was finding it difficult to communicate effectively as there was a huge language barrier.

As we continued chatting, my ears adjusted to his thick accent and I found myself able to understand him. Amar (named changed to respect privacy) told me that he spent most of his life in India, but his children had moved him and his wife here during their retirement. He was a lovely soul with wise eyes and a heart over flowing with love.

I couldn’t, however, figure out exactly what he desired for his session, what his goals were, or why he had booked a session with me. When I asked him, he continued to repeat, “I research Joy…when you want know about Tantra, you go to Joy.” Although his sentiment was adorable, it still left me wondering how to move forward.

I finally looked deep into his eyes and boldly asked him, “Amar, what can I do for you today? Why have you come to Joy?” He cast his eyes downwards and what I understood to be shame was evident in his body language.

I assured him that it was okay to speak openly and honestly with me; I would not judge him. I will clarify that I might not say this in every session, but if there’s one thing I know, its people and this man was a total sweetheart.

Amar took a deep breath, exhaled with a slight groan, looked me in the eyes and in a strong and confident voice said, “Joy, I want to know how to orgasm my wife!” I’m sure a smile washed over my face…what an incredibly sweet man.

Amar went on to explain that he and his wife were the product of an arranged marriage. She was practically a girl when they were first married. Over the years, however, they fell in love. He most definitely loved his wife and he was fairly certain the feeling was mutual.

As he aged and his wisdom increased, he came to realize that his wife had sex with him out of obligation and not desire. He talked about how he finally realized that, while his wife most definitely loved him, she served him sexually because she felt it was her ‘responsibility’.

This made Amar feel deeply sad inside. He experienced pleasure and he wanted the same for his wife. I was moved by his ability to break free from the cultural chains that bound Amar and his wife to live a certain way. He wanted her to feel equal while making love…he wanted her to open to and experience pleasure.

I used a number of my anatomy print outs, my ‘yoni purse’ (a fabric replication of a vagina, which is anatomically correct) and a question and answer style session to explain to Amar about the intimate art of pleasuring a woman.

Amar was like a star fish nearing his death from lack of water who is delicately plunged into the rejuvenating water of life….in Amar’s case; I had delicately plunged him into the vast world of sexual knowledge. Luckily, it is my habit to leave at least 2 hours between each session for when someone needs more than their scheduled time…Amar definitely needed more of my time to fully grasp this new and strange world of the female body.

I must admit that I was quite surprised by how little Amar, a man in his late seventies who had been married for almost 60 years, understood about women. I spent nearly four hours with Amar, explaining to him the complex skills, patience, and emotional connection necessary to truly honor a woman. He was most impressed, not only by my openness, but by the results he and his wife experienced. He returned for three more sessions before he felt that his time with me was complete.

According to Amar, at first his wife was very reluctant to accept pleasure, but over time, she was able to open to the process. After 75 years of life and nearly 60 years of marriage, Amar’s wife (he never did share her name with me) experienced her first orgasm! Amar asked that I share his story so that other men may be inspired to learn more about how to truly please their wives!!

How beautiful is that?

6 Comments Add yours

  1. P.K. says:

    Simple solution is oral sex. I had a similar problem with my wife, coming from an arranged marriage, sex can be somewhat challenging. However, one day, I just spread her legs and started licking her vagina, and it was heaven for her. It improved our sex life very significantly, since after oral sex, she would be so wet and hungry for anything!

    Not sure it will work for everybody, but I think it will help!

    1. Tantrachick says:

      I think what is amazing about your comment is not only your suggestion, but also that you have responded to the needs of others and offered some helpful information on such sensitive topic! I sincerely appreciate your contributions! From my heart to yours, Joy

      1. P.K. says:

        You are welcome, Joy, of course, it may not work for everybody, but worth a try.

        As you might know, it takes us to a very interesting and strangely dual aspect of sex among Indians. One would think that the land of Kama Sutra would be very vibrant, unfortunately, since sex is given quite a bit of negativiity, most couples do not experience sex until marriage (including yours truly). After marriage, some couples find the spark, but often it is difficult, owing to the inexperience and also discomfort associated with starting sex at a later age.

        Though, I am happy to say, I think the generation in India is changing, with young people enjoying qutie a it of pre-marital sex!!

        Love and regards

      2. Tantrachick says:

        it is so interesting ot hear things from your perspective! As always, thank you so much for your contributions!

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