I have received a lot of questions via email about Sex Coaching…there seems to be a few common questions, so I thought I would answer them here…
Q) Who hires a sex coach?
A) People of all ages, cultural backgrounds and income levels hire sex coaches. The youngest couple I worked with were 20 (female) and 21 (male) years old, while the oldest couple I worked with were 69 (male) & 80 (female) years old.
The oldest person I have worked with was a 96-year-old man who wanted to lay to rest some of his ‘demons’ before he passed from this life. The youngest person I have worked with was a 19-year-old young woman who wanted to learn more about herself as a sexual being before she made the choice to lose her virginity with her boyfriend.
Q) Do we have to be voyeuristic to hire a sex coach?
A) Absolutely not! This is a common misconception about sex coaching. I tailor each session to meet the needs, goals, and comfort level of the couple. I have had couples who requested a more voyeuristic experience…I chose not to book a session with them. The reason being that it was entirely about sexual gratification and not education.
On the other hand, I have had clients who wish to stay fully clothed during sessions, which is perfectly fine. I also do not agree to sessions where there is a request for me to be nude. This does not feel comfortable for me, as I see myself as a coach and a facilitator and not an active participant.
In the middle ground, I have had sessions with couples who enjoy the idea that another person will be privy to their intimacy, but who have relationship issues to work through and/or they truly want to learn the arts of passion and Tantra.
Q) Do I have to be ‘sexually open’ to book a session?
A) Absolutely not! In fact, a high percentage of my clients come from repressive backgrounds and are typically conservative in both their personal and professional lives.
While some couples choose to maintain their conservative boundaries during sex coaching sessions, others find it refreshing to release themselves from their cultural or religious chains and shed their masks. It is a beautiful process to witness!
Stepping outside of their comfort zone provides a couple with an opportunity for growth and transformation. Some of my most effective sessions are with a couple who admit they are ‘sexually uptight’ or ‘repressed’. When they are able to let go, they discover a great deal of pent-up sexual energy waiting to explore, be explored and soak up sexual knowledge.
One of the most common questions I receive is:
Q) As a sex coach, do you get ‘turned on’ during your sessions?
A) My answer is simple. No, I do not become aroused during sessions. For most people, the idea of intimately massaging another person or witnessing the beauty of a couple making love would peak their own sexual interest and spark their arousal and possibly their desire.
I am wired completely different. Sex and intimacy for me on a personal level is about deep connection with myself and my lover. I have developed a ‘sexual energy loop’ with both myself and my lover’. It is a closed loop that does not open during my sessions.
I have never viewed nudity or naked bodies as something ‘sexual’ and beyond my role as a sex coach, I see myself as the one who must ‘hold the space’ for the people I work with.
While holding the space during a session, my arousal or desire does not play a role. It is like I draw on my sexual energy while making love with myself or my lover, but during sessions I draw on my life force energy….
Somehow there is a slight distinction between the two, which I suppose is shaped by my intention. While making love, my intention is to give in to the moment and let go; during a session I am facilitating and holding the space for my client(s).