Let's Talk About Sex, Rape and Role Playing?

on
Rape scene - Utagawa KUNIYOSHI
Image via Wikipedia

You may be thinking: Joy, WTF? Sex, rape and role-playing? Or, maybe you were looking for a good erotica story about how my hubby and I role played the classic I’m the victim and he’s the rapist…sorry to disappoint you, but, unfortunately for Mac McClelland, this is a much more complex post.

If you haven’t read the article Mac wrote, you might want to read Mac’s well written, brutally honest and exposing article: I’m Gonna Need You to Fight Me On This: How Violent Sex Helped Ease My PTSD 

To sum up the essence of her article: Mac is a journalist who has seen some bad shit go down. Although journalists are typically a tough bunch, like what happened in Mac’s situation, the horror of what goes on in our society became to much for her. She had a melt down and used an unconventional method to heal her PTSD.

So, what’s the real news here? A woman chose to bare her soul and share the fear that consumed her. If she were to have stopped there, we’d all be saying ‘aww…poor Mac’. What Mac did, however, is share not only her pain and suffering, she also shared with the public her unconventional approach to healing. In response, although she has received some positive feedback, she has also received negative feedback that borders on an emotionally abusive attack on her character.

Yes, folks, Mac talked about her, as I already mentioned, less than conventional self-imposed treatment methods. Now, if Mac’s fear was spiders and she decided to do a ‘spider dive’ we’d not only want to hear about it, we might even sit in our comfy cozy houses and watch her unconventional treatment on Fear Factor!

However, Mac’s fear was not spiders. No not spiders indeed. What Mace feared was being violently raped while fulfilling her duties as a journalist. You see, after watching the sheer terror and emotional outburst of a rape victim and facing a number of situations that caused Mac to feel sexually threatened, Mac developed a fear of being raped, which snowballed into post traumatic stress disorder.

Unfortunately, I can relate to Mac’s fear. Today I was reading on the SlutWalk Toronto site how Bristol Palin stated that her sexual partner ‘stole her virginity’. My first boyfriend also ‘stole my virginity’. Another term for this violation of trust is date rape. It is fairly common for women to downplay sexual violence and rape to avoid the often negative press that comes with openly discussing rape and sexual trauma.

Heck when you have constables walking around telling college women that they should not dress like sluts if they don’t want to be raped, it’s not hard to imagine why a woman may not want to sound the rape alarm. No, it’s often easier to just shove the traumatic incident or in Mac’s case, the fear related to the possibility of rape out of our minds.

However, the reality is this: rape happens. As someone who has experienced both date rape and gang rape…not for kicks, laughs or fun, but the real, down and dirty in your face and in your cunt kind of experience, I’d like to share some wisdom with the folks who seem to think Mac has nothing to fear. Trust me, you are wrong. Rape and the emotional destruction and aftermath of rape is truly something to fear…..

Now, for those of you who have read some of my related past posts, you may remember me talking about a Tantric technique that was highlighted in Tantric Orgasm for Women: Deep penetration for sexual healing. Mac felt the need take charge and allow herself to release the traumatic energy trapped in her body through a safe forced sexual encounter with a trusted male. Although unconventional, her approach is not unheard of. It is very similar to the approach I took to heal from my past and I daresay, it was effective for me!

I attribute my own unconventional therapy, deep penetration healing and role playing to my emotional recovery from sexual abuse and sexual trauma. As a Sexual Healer, Tantra Educator and Sex Coach, I have assisted hundreds of women and a select group of men on their path to recovering from sexual abuse and trauma. While I have not prescribed forced sexual encounters to any of my clients, I have recommended with great success the deep penetration healing session.

I would be entirely supportive of this type of therapy and I can fully see how it might be effective. I think that, the most important aspect of Mac’s success in healing her PTSD through a forced sexual encounter is that it was self-prescribed. She trusted her intuition, took action and it worked for her.

One would think that, if a woman was suffering and found an alternative remedy, we as a society would be celebrating. I wish life were that simple. No, instead of celebrating Mac’s new found positive outlook on life, instead of celebrating the fact that Mac now feels like she can face the world with less fear and an inner peacefulness because she now knows she can survive anything…some people are criticizing her candidness and her mental stability.

In the interview article by Ms. Blog, Mac states that some people are telling her that “If you can’t handle your shit go home. I worked in Haiti and I never got PTSD.” Others are saying that she has been mentally unstable for sometime, which Mac denies.

It is not anyone’s right to decide whether or not someone has faced enough trauma to experience post traumatic stress disorder. It is also not anyone’s right to decide what methods one should use to overcome their trauma. I applaud Mac’s bravery and her candidness.

In the AlterNet article: Mac McClelland on PTSD, Haiti and Women Writing About Sex about Mac’s experience, it is stated that “36 women journalists who have worked in Haiti wrote an open letter to GOOD saying, “We believe the way she uses Haiti as a backdrop for this narrative is sensationalist and irresponsible.”

Because of the bad press Mac is receiving, I read Mac’s article, I’m Gonna Need You to Fight Me On This: How Violent Sex Helped Ease My PTSD from a more critical perspective. What was I looking for? I was looking for excessive references to Haiti, signs of mental instability, or other red flags. What did I find, you may wonder?

In my personal opinion, I read an informative and balanced article written by a brave woman who has been ridiculed and insulted for writing about a taboo topic. I did not feel that Mac’s approach was anything less than honest and candid.

If I were in a room listening to Mac speak about her experience…I would give her a standing ovation! Mac..from my heart to yours, thank you for speaking out and for sharing your story of sexual healing and transformation with the world. I hope your story inspires other women to speak up about their own sexual healing! Bravo!

ps: Thank you Ruby Slippers for bringing this most important topic to my attention!

4 Comments Add yours

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.