The Many Masks We Wear…

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So many individuals and couples find themselves feeling shameful or guilty about their sexuality, the way they express their sexuality or their sexual appetite. As a Tantric practitioner and Sex coach, the balancing act is possibly even more challenging.

My main role in life is as a mother. Secondary to my role as a mother is my role as a lover, best friend and wife to Mountain. Beyond my nuclear family, I have friends, family, extended family and of course, my community. Being a Sex Coach is intensely rewarding, but it can also be a tricky mask to slip into a conversation.

Just imagine…you’re sitting having tea with a conservative woman you’ve just met, she is telling you about her new job at the local child care center…when she asks you what you do for a living and you boldly say “who me? Oh, I’m a sex coach!” The fact of the matter is, some people just don’t want to know that Sex Coaches are even a part of our society.

The trick that works for me is to have a variety of masks I wear for different purposes. For instance, as a mother, I am compassionate, loving and wholesome. As a wife, I am loving, communicate openly and on the flip side, I have the sexual appetite of a wild animal during mating season. As a Sex Coach, my role is to be the facilitator and guide, and not an active participant in the intimate aspects of a couple’s session.

In my community, acquaintances know me as a down to earth hippie style home schooling mom. My deeper connections know the inner core of my being in all her expressions–the woman beneath the masks if you will. My point in sharing this with you is to assure you that, being a tiger or tigress in the bedroom and a mother, father, business woman or man is okay! If you happen to enjoy spanking or being spanked at night, but work in a professional setting during the day, it’s all good! As long as your sex life and sexual connections are mutually beneficial and consensual, it’s time to let go of your shame and embrace your inner sexual being!

8 Comments Add yours

  1. P.K. says:

    Appreciate your candidness, Joy! As you said before, you and your man enjoy a wonderful relationship together, and you also enjoy your profession.

    I have a couple of friends, who are married and enjoy a total open relationship. While that may not be o.k, for everyone, they are fine with that! As long as it does not affect their relationship, it is fine, I guess, what do you think?

    1. Tantrachick says:

      I aim to be candid, so thanks for noticing:-) Yes, open relationships can be wonderful. I attended a Qudoshka workshop focused entirely on the communication necessary to maintain a healthy open relationship. For me, a saying like is: ‘if you like it, it’s good!” When looking at open relationships from a couple’s perspective, communication and a mutual desire to have an open relationship are vital to the success of the core relationship.

      It is interesting, but respecting boundaries in an open relationship can be even more important than in a monogamous relationship. I think it is because often, in an OR, each individual has stretched their comfort level to the furthest boundary possible while still maintaining a relationshp. So, if the boundaries are crossed, it can be devestating. For instance, one boundary or guideline may be that each partner discusses their proposed sexual connection with thier partner before moving forward. This is a common arrangement. If one partner has sex with another individual without following the set out guidelines, it may still be considered ‘cheating’ because the sexual encounter falls outside of the boundaries.

      Without communication, any relationship, open, poly, or monogamous will struggle to survive…that’s why so much of my work revolves around communication. From my heart to yours, Joy

      1. bob. says:

        You are right on Joy!

      2. Tantrachick says:

        awww.thanks so much, bob!

  2. P.K. says:

    So true, Joy. Sometimes, an open relationship might not seem as easy as it sounds. Especially men, I’m sorry to say, tend to get jealous at some point in the process. Probably an easier relationship is when both partners involve themselves in group sex with other couples, when both partners know what will be going on:). Still can get complex sometimes.

    It sounds exciting, though, to imagine my wife having sex with others, but I dont know how I would react afterwords. Sometimes, perhaps, its just easier to keep some facts from one’s spouse!

    1. Tantrachick says:

      I will pinpoint one aspect of your comment…keeping facts from our partners can be devastating…I know you already have this awareness, but I would not be a true advocate for healthy relationships if I didn;t bring your attention to the need for honesty and open communication in all relationships, open, poly, or monogamous. Of course, this is not meant as a judgment, just an observation! With the deepest respect, from my heart to yours, Joy

      1. P.K. says:

        Perhaps, as men, we are a tad inherently secretive, while women are more open, especially to their partners 🙂

      2. Tantrachick says:

        Once again, from my perception it is not gender based, just individualized, but I respect your opinion! 🙂

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