Sex Coaching Session: Shakti and Shiva

Shiva and Parvati as depicted in a painting
Image via Wikipedia

I only publish session stories of couples who have granted me permission to write about and share their beautiful story. I have also decided that I will always use the names Shakti and Shiva to respect the privacy and confidentiality of the couple without creating fictional names that don’t fit the individual personalities of my clients.

Shakti and Shiva arrived at my quaint Camano Island oasis after driving just over an hour from Vancouver, BC. I had communicated only with Shiva prior to our session, so I was slightly nervous about Shakti’s desire and intention for the session. As a sex coach, it is vitally important to me that both partners desire to attend a session with me to ensure that each individual is following a path that resonates with them.

When they first arrived, we sat down at the table to discuss the intention and focus of their session. Shiva was quite comfortable discussing the most intimate details of his relationship with Shakti. Although Shakti was genuinely engaged, she found it much more challenging to express herself…at first…I noticed that her eyes were cast down throughout much of our conversation and that she seemed comfortable allowing her husband to speak for her.

As the conversation evolved, Shiva shared with me his experience with Tantra in India before his marriage with Shakti was arranged. Although their marriage was traditionally arranged by their families, it was apparent that they shared a deep love and respect for each other. I was truly inspired by the vast spiritual knowledge Shiva communicated. His understanding about the history of Tantra was a wonderful surprise.

As we moved to the next phase of their session, Shakti appeared to be opening up and making more eye contact. I requested that Shiva attempt to calm his own wonderfully talkative nature and encourage Shakti to express herself. It was beautiful to watch her coming out of her shell…cautious, yet open. I delicately massaged Shakti, feeling her energy opening even more as she deepened her connection to her body. Shiva struggled to follow my lead and eventually chose to remove himself as an active participant.

It was his desire to leave the room while I massaged Shakti, to respect her privacy, but I felt that it would be beneficial for him to watch my techniques and observe the level of love and compassion I put into each touch. Although he was unable to continue hands on learning, I noticed that his body language shifted after Shakti’s massage.

While massaging Shiva, I was pleasantly surprised by Shakti’s natural ability. Her hands flowed across Shiva’s body like a gentle wave. I taught her how to honour Shiva’s lingam and encouraged the two of them to focus energy on expanding their heart connection. As they gazed into each other’s eyes, I felt a deep sense of inner joy and tenderness towards them both.

We finished the massage phase of their session and began to discuss the deeper motivation for attending a session with me. Because their marriage was arranged and they come from a culture where pre-marital sex is strictly prohibited, neither partner had any sexual experience outside of their marriage. Shiva did not even find joy in masturbation, so having sex is their only outlet.

What I found sad was that neither partner had been educated about how to enjoy their sexual union, how to express themselves openly, or how to take their love-making beyond physical thrusting and penetration. I was, however, deeply honoured and inspired by the fact that they were such willing and eager learners. As I began guiding Shakti and Shiva through the act of making love, I found that Shiva lost himself and gave in entirely to the physical part of sex, rather than focusing on Shakti as a being.

Shakti was patient and loving with Shiva, but he was still unable to bring himself into his mind so that he could connect on a heart-centered level with Shakti. I asked Shiva to pause and breathe, which was very challenging for him, but he was able to slow himself down, take a deep breath and truly see Shakti as they shared a moment of intimacy…intimacy beyond sex. A tear came to Shakti’s eye and she naturally placed her hand on Shiva’s heart. Her love was reciprocated by Shiva who appeared to be seeing his beautiful Shakti in a whole new light.

I removed myself so that they could make love, allowing their inhibitions to melt away and lose themselves in a moment of passion. Afterwards, we discussed my concern, which was that Shakti must find her voice, express her own desires and by doing so, making love would become more pleasurable for both lovers. She agreed and was even able to express herself openly in my presence.

Prior to his session with me, the main sex education Shiva received in India was from violent pornographic films. It was not that he wanted to be rough or unfeeling while making love, it was that he soaked up his sexual knowledge from a damaging source…

This session was incredibly valuable to me as a practitioner and advocate for healthy sexual union and expression. I learned about a cultural gap in sex education that likely contributes to a high rate of dissatisfaction for both the male and female partner, especially in arranged marriages where niether partner has previous sexual experience.

What I learned from this session reaffirms for me that the work I do is vital for the health of male and female sexual connections from all cultures and walks of life. I was so inspired by the loving devotion of Shiva in his quest to not only be a better lover, but in doing so, be a better man. From my heart to yours, Joy

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