I agree whole heartedly with naturegirl1‘s comment” “The problem I would have is that I like to use my hands, so that would preclude any chance of ME being submissive, but more to the point I have trouble equating with any form of “control” over a sexual partner. To me, sex and lovemaking is about sharing, sometimes with more than one person, but always about giving and receiving pleasure. Yes I know that some get their pleasure from being either submissive or dominating, but not me.””
I once allowed my lover, Mountain to tie me and ravage me, but the second I said please let me free, he immediately responded to my need and I promptly tied him up and ravaged him in return. The point in this for me was to trust 100% in order to heal some of my past issues around trust/sex/abuse…in my situation, handing over complete control, but more importantly trust, was nearly impossible, even though Mountain is the most trustworthy and amazing man I have ever met!
The issue was not Mountain, or my level of trust for him….It was my internal alarm that told me it was NEVER safe to give 100% trust to anyone. This was at the beginning of my sexual healing journey. Prior to my relationship with Mountain, I had experienced years of childhood sexual abuse, date rape and other unfortunate and traumatic sexual assaults. I think the reason so much negativity was in my life was because I had not stepped out of the victim mentatlity. Sexual predators were able to sense my fear and inner weakness and therefore targeted me.
Strangely enough, allowing myself to be tied and sexually pleasured by my soul mate, thus forcing myself to trust 100% was one of the building blocks in the foundation of my new outlook on sexuality and the dance between man and woman. I suppose my approach to sexual healing –of course, please remember this particular exercise was just one moment in a long healing journery — follows the same line of thinking as the staged sexual control role playing of reporter Mac Mcclelland .
The bottom line fore me: If you like it, it’s consensual and between mature adults, it’s all good…