I have been reminiscing about the sex coaching sessions I’ve had with couples over the past few years. Out of all the sessions, the biggest concern that many couples bring up is either the lack of sex or the lack of soul warming, satisfying sex with their partner.
Typically, during the first couple years of a relationship, the sex is more abundant and the quality of the sex is drastically better. Unfortunately, as the relationship matures and life gets busier, both the quality and quantity of sex goes down. For some unfortunate folks, their sex lives become nearly non-existent. According to a recent survey, it is estimated that 26% of married couples did not have sex at all in 2009!!!! Uff! I guess I shouldn’t complain about getting interrupted this morning before my lover and I got to make love for a second time!
Although some people say that sex is not the most important aspect of a healthy relationship… I’m not so sure. While it may not be THE MOST IMPORTANT, it sure is high on my list of priorities. Of course some couples manage to feel satisfied in a sexless marriage, but a high percentage of men and women desire the intimacy and satisfaction that comes from great sex.
For myself and my lover, we have managed to maintain a high level of intimacy and connection. There have been a few times during our marriage (directly after childbirth and after a series of miscarriages) that sex has been put on the side lines. However, outside of these challenging times, we have managed to have frequent sex that is satisfying, pleasurable and enhances our connection.
I was discussing this aspect of my relationship with a client recently, which caused me to dig deeper and reflect on what makes this area of our relationship so incredibly successful. The following is some of my random thoughts on the subject…
we communicate well
we are honest and respectful when communicating
each of us has hobbies that we do independently
both of us desire frequent sex
we make sex a priority, regardless of how busy we are (we have 6 kids..need I say more?)
each week we go on a date
we talk openly with our children about the need for us to have ‘alone time’
if we hit a barrier to great sex, we talk it through and figure it out
we use Tantric massage, sex toys, role playing and other kinky tools to spice things up and keep it interesting…
If you are in a relationship and are currently feeling dissatisfied with your sex life, try to get up the courage to talk with your partner. Another thing to remember is that foreplay tends to begin with emotional connection…take time to tidy up the house, cook a meal together, or take your lover on a special date where the focus is just on the two of you…If all else fails, rent a hotel room with a hot tub and let the wine flow!
If you’re looking to spice things up…keep checking back, I am in the process of writing some fairly steamy blog posts!!!