With All My Heart, I Accept You…

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It is just like any other day at the studio…I am sitting on the vast wooden stairs that lead not only to my office…As I take the final sip of my chai tea, I find myself lost in the beauty of the sun cascading onto the floor through the stained glass window…the brilliant colours in the glass are captured by the sun and painted onto the floor like an abstract rainbow…

I am so ‘in the moment’, that I didn’t hear the front door open…It was the shadow that first gave him away…my client had arrived.. After introducing himself and shaking my hand with a noticeably firm hand shake, he commented on how stunning I looked sitting in the sun. I took a deep breath, hoping that he would choose not to go further into compliments, as they tend to make me feel awkward…I managed to whisper a gracious thank you as I stood to guide this new client to my office.

I served him tea and re-filled my cup from the pot of chai I like to keep in my office. As always, I offered him the choice of sitting in a chair or on one of my meditation pillows on the floor…he chose the chair…I accommodated and sat in the chair opposite him, longing to sit on the floor cross legged and grounded.

We chatted briefly…he seemed slightly reserved, as if he had a secret…quite honsetly, I assumed that he had a wife or girlfriend and had not told her about our session. With my assumption tucked away in the back of my mind, we began preparing for his session.

I gave him my normal instructions and left the room so that he could get undressed. When I came back into the studio, he was laying as instructed…face down on my massage table with the sarong draped across his body…Our session unfolded as most do…it was rather uneventful really…he continued to hold back…not allwoing the wall around his heart to open…although sometimes I may push a little…I could clearly see he was not there yet.

We ended our session and I honestly did not expect to see him again. To my surprise, he returned each week for 4-5 weeks in a row…the sessions were similar…he spoke very little and continued to tell me that he simply wanted to relax and that he deeply enjoyed being in my studio…as our sessions continued, he started to share that he had never felt so unconditionally loved by anyone..not even his own mother…

He asked me a few questions about myself and my life…wondering mainly how it is possible to share uncondiitonal love with a complete stranger…I did my best to explain and then we continued to focus on the rest of his session…

I could tell that he was not overly comfortable talking about himself…I asked him if he was willing to dig deeper…he said he was not yet ready…so I continued to work with his body…relaxing his muscles…working with his energy…sharing heart energy with him and engagin his life force energy…hoping to allow him the space to open to the process…I began to sense that there was something deeper that needed tending to.

We continued on our path…me working with his body, him opening more each moment…sharing little bits about his life with me….his job was stressful and his relationship with his family was strained and distant at best…still I felt that there was something he was not sharing…. up until this point, his sessions had been more about de-stressing and communicating about surface issues, but then I felt him embracing the process and allowing his emotions to unfold before him…his breath deepened and I felt his life force energy awakening…

At the same time, when I placed my hand on his heart chakra and allowed him to place his hand on my heart chakra, I felt his heart energy awakening…as I began to pull my hand away, he held it gently, sharing non-verbally that he needed deeper connection…so I continued to leave my hand on his heart and his on mine…. we stayed this way for quite some time…tears began to stream down his cheeks, yet his breath remained steady…

He sat up, looking into my eyes for just a moment and pulled me into an embrace….while he sobbed on my shoulder…body heaving…breath strained….his tears soaking my shoulder, his body slumped onto me…with his eyes shut tight. He took a deep, cleansing breath and I braced myself, for I knew he was about to unload his secret…he spoke with a steady voice and said simply…”Joy, I’m gay.”

With his head now on my shoulder, I began to gently stroke his hair like a mother might her child…and continued to hold him. I didn’t say anything for quite awhile…understanding that he was not telling me as much as he was reaffirming this truth to himself. After quite some time…I said ” With all my heart, I accept you for who you are.” Tears began to stream down his face again…but this time they were tears of happiness and acceptance….

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Thank you Jeff, for sharing Kevin’s site, Touch Practice with me….the second I finished exploring his site, I was inpsired to ask my client permission to share his story…he immediately responded with an enthusiastic yes! It flowed from my mind with ease..I appreciate the directional inspiration…it helps me know what I am supposed to write….From my heart to yours, Joy

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