I have recently been receiving a lot of questions about my family, my role as a mother and how I am able to balance the many roles I play in life. First, a bit of background. I got married the first time on Oct. 26th, 1995. by Christmas of the year I got married, I was pregnant with my fist daughter, Eden. Eden was born and, by the time she was just 9 months old, I was pregnant with my first-born son, Sid. I really don’t like talking about the dynamics of my first marriage…but they were not good. After 3-4 years of struggling to accept the fate of my marriage….I escaped. Yes, I meant to say escaped. I moved far away with Eden and Sid and cut off contact from their birth father, Tommy. The beauty that came from that relationship is that I gained a beautiful daughter, Alexis (now 22) who was born before i met Tommy and I became the mother of my beautiful babies, Eden (15.5) and Sid (14).
I met Mountain during the final stages of freeing myself from my first marriage. He was a good friend who turned into my lover after my marriage ended. Mountain and I rapidly fell in love, got married and had our first child, Cedar (turns 12 in 16 days:-). My first husband became very ill and I realized that there was a need for closure. So we returned to my home town (Mountain, our three kids and I). We facilitated supervised visits during the final months of Tommy’s life. There are so many stories, so much pain and suffering, but also a lot of beauty and lessons leaned from this part of my life.
Mountain had two children in his early teens. He came from a challenging home and was in foster care when both his kids were born. He lost access to them early on, had no legal rights and didn’t get the support needed to allow them to reconnect. He suffered greatly because he was not able to see his children. He received very little support or empathy, because people viewed him as being a “dead beat dad”. Mountain and I continued to be a support for Alexis (My step-daughter). In fact, when Tommy died, Alexis began seeing Mountain as a father figure…but we still did not have contact with christian and Katrina…Mountain’s children…
Mountain and I had Ary, our youngest child, in 2004. She is turning 8 in 3 weeks (We have 3 babies born in March:-) This past summer…Mountain’s children finally got the courage to come out West and meet our family. We went through some deep healing, open communication and our family expanded. They both decided to stay. So, our family is complex, yet so beautiful and actually, it’s quite simple. We are a family.That’s it. We love one another and everyone is equal. Period. If external people begin referring to various kids in our home as less than…by pointing out their birth status…blood connections, etc….we politely but firmly clarify…we are family, that’s all that matters.
As you can imagine…things in our house are somewhat chaotic at times…but our home is overflowing with love, laughter and moments of deep, meaningful connection. We home school all of our children (the ones that are still school aged, that is). We have fairly strong parental philosophies that work for us and work for our children. We talk about life…love and yes, we talk about sex! In fact, Mountain and I regularly express to our children that our relationship is the foundation of our family. All of our children support us in having alone time. Our older children (14, 15, 18 and 20) actually make sure that they give us free time in the house so that we can explore each other and connect without distractions.
My life’s passion…beyond my role as a lover, wife and mother…is my role as a “Pleasure Activist”. I have suffered enough in this lifetime. It is my time to both give and receive pleasure…and I truly believe that healing ourselves as sexual beings has the power to transform our society. The book I just wrote: The Guy’s Guide to Multiple Orgasms has a bit of a sensational/conventional title…but the tools, knowledge and techniques I shared…are vital to healthy male sexuality…it is just one of the steps I have taken to be a part of the solution…I hope that this blog…where I explore sexuality, spirituality and their inner conectedness…among other enticing topics:-) is also a part of the solution…thank you for your continued support!
From my heart to yours, Joy