Question: “I have lost interest in having sex with women, and I visit bbw sites to wet my appetite. I don’t understand why…please help!”
Joy’s Answer: I have thought about your question over the past day or so. I don’t have a lot of background information to help me navigate your personal challenge, but I’ll do my best! First off, I am completely unfamiliar with the porn world. I have intentionally NEVER watched even a single conventional pornographic movie. So, I had to look up BBW (Big Beautiful Women). I can only assume that you are speaking of pornographic movies that feature larger sized beautiful women. I must admit, I’m not really seeing the connection between the BBW movies and your disinterest in women on a sexual level. So, unless you’d like to give me more information specific to your personal scenario, all I can do is address this question from a more general perspective.
As for your sex drive…more specifically your disinterest in women on a sexual level…of course the very first thing that comes to my mind is “are you interested in men on a sexual level?” Basically, the first thing I/you need to understand is whether your challenge is because you are confused about your sexual orientation. Also, you didn’t mention whether or not you are in a relationship, or whether you are able to masturbate. Over the years, I have had so many men and women come to me looking for guidance because they are confused about their sexual orientation. So, if that is the case, you are not alone.
In addition, I have seen a lot of men who are only able to feel aroused while masturbating. Generally, people who are confused about their sexual orientation know the answer, but they are struggling with accepting themselves as they are. As for the men who can only get off during masturbation, I find that the challenge is mainly that they like the feeling of control. This is often because they have felt rejected in general, or they don’t want to subject themselves to being rejected by their partners.
When it comes to porn…I have some pretty intense feelings on the subject. I won’t dive into my own personal opinions here, because you asked for my help, not my opinion. I will tell you that I think porn, especially conventional porn, can bring people into a heightened state of sexual stimulation. When the mind becomes accustomed to being aroused by intense, fast moving, fantasies…it becomes increasingly difficult to become aroused by anything else. Of course, this is a generalization. Not every person reacts this way, but research shows that this is a fairly common reaction (getting off on the intensity of porn and then being unable to become aroused by the daily ups and downs of sex).
Without finding out more about your situation, all I can say is this…love yourself for who you are and be careful with the porn. Keep yourself in check to see if you feel that you are being over stimulated and whether or not over stimulation is contributing to your challenge. If you are in a relationship…I cannot advise you one way or another. I know that I would talk with my lover openly, but I have a very healthy relationship with excellent communication. Your situation may be very different. Talking openly with your partner (if you have one) or a close friend, may or may not be possible for you. I am pleased that you were able to reach out and ask for guidance. Sometimes just knowing that someone else cares…and is willing to listen can help people open up and self reflect.
If you would like to elaborate, ask additional questions, or share more information with me so that I can share my thoughts, please comment on this post. I will respond asap! I’m sorry I couldn’t be of more assistance.
From my heart to yours, Joy