Just Ask Joy: My Penis is too Big! Help!

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Question: “Hi Joy I need help! Recently, while doing a swimming class (at the pool) a lady complained that what I was wearing was inappropriate. She felt I was bulging out at the seams! I’m sick of it and now my girlfriend found out and she’s being distant and un-touching. Being a bit larger is unattractive to people in school (and they) call me horse! I’m just over it! Is there any cream or technique that I can use to decrease my size? I know it sounds silly, but I hear about increasing things all the time and I’m just sick of being made a spectacle. Thanks.”

Joy’s Answer: To the best of my knowledge, there are no specific creams that can safely reduce the size of your penis. There is a surgical procedure that can reduce the size of your penis, but there is a lot of risk (infection, loss of sensitivity, possible inability to maintain an erection, etc.). My good friend’s husband has a penis that is over eleven verified inches when erect. They do not have any issues during sex, but it did take her some time to get used to his size when they first became sexually active. Now that they are long time lovers, there are no issue whatsoever; in fact, she finds it quit enjoyable. As far as concerns about being “too big” for sex…it is highly unlikely that the length of your erect penis would be unmanageable by your partners vaginal canal.

Most people have at least some level of body image issues. This is specifically true in North America, where we are constantly subjected to modified and unnatural beauty. I can see why you would feel frustrated with all the focus on “bigger is better”, especially considering the fact that you are being negatively targeted for having a large penis. People are sometimes cruel. There is nothing I can do or say that will stop the negative behavior of others. All I can do is help you accept yourself for who you are and learn to love your body as it is. I suspect that the males who are making fun of you and calling you names are experiencing feelings of both jealousy and inadequacy.
Unfortunately, when humans feel insecure, they often resort to name calling and try to ridicule their target (in this case you) to avoid self-reflecting. While I understand that being called “horse” must piss you off and embarrass you, all I can say is that I love your body the way it is! I view all bodies, especially those that are unique; as beautiful. It is our diversity that makes us beautiful. I think that these people are providing you with an opportunity for growth. If you can learn to accept your beautiful penis for all that it has to offer…you will feel much better. There is a Sanskrit word for penis; it is “lingam”. There are many definitions for the word lingam (penis). One that I personally appreciate is “wand of light”. If you can, imagine drawing your sexual energy throughout your body and say the following: “I deeply and completely love and accept myself as I am.”  You only have one body, one penis (wand of light) …you have no choice but to accept it and since you must accept it, why not try truly loving it?
As for potential concerns about having sex…I think you mentioned that your girlfriend is a virgin, so I can see why both of you may feel concerned. If the two of you decide at some point that you are going to have sex, there are a number of strategies you can use to make it more comfortable and more enjoyable. First off, talking openly about your fear related to both the size of your penis and also the seriousness of the decision you are making would be a start. If, once you discuss the pros/cons and the benefits/risks of having sex, you still decide to take that step…make sure you get the right size condom. If you are on the larger end of the spectrum, you should choose your condoms very carefully and test them out while masturbating before you have sex to make sure you achieve a good fit.
As for your current or future partner’s comfort during sex, I recommend the following:
  • Make sure that you are able to communicate openly with your partner and let her know that it will not upset you if she shares with you if/when she feels discomfort.
  • Spend an extra amount of time massaging her body and find out what type of foreplay works for her. The more aroused she is, the more “open” and relaxed she will be, which will improve her comfort and increase her pleasure.
  • Choose a position where your partner has a lot of control over the depth of penetration (letting her go on top until she is more comfortable with your size and the connection between you).
  • Use a sufficient amount of lubricant and make sure that your lubricant is compatible with condom use (water based lubricants are generally safe for use with condoms).
  • NOTE: While using a condom…the following is a list of  lubricants that you absolutely must avoid: petroleum jelly, grease, hand lotion and baby oil
  • When you are first making love with a new partner, make sure that you take it slow…accidentally getting excited and becoming overzealous could potentially be quite painful, so take it slow and keep yourself in check until you are both more familiar with each other’s bodies.
My message to you: I deeply and completely accept you as you are!
From my heart to yours, Joy

6 Comments Add yours

  1. Kevin says:

    You have made me feel incredible and even though I’ve been going through a hard time it has made me smile at least thank you joy

    1. Tantrachick says:

      Thank you for your sweet words! I am so pleased to know that my words of comfort and acceptance may have helped in some small way! I am sending positive, loving energy your way! From my heart to yours, Joy
      PS: I hope you enjoy the book!!!

  2. Kevin says:

    I’m reading now I’m 5 mins and all can is incredible!

    1. Tantrachick says:

      Thank you Kevin. It is the first book I’ve written and it took so much work! It is so nice to get all of the positive feedback, as it makes it all feel worthwhile! Enjoy!

  3. Kevin says:

    Honestly this is the best thing I have read in such a long time couldn’t praise it more

    1. Tantrachick says:

      Thank you Kevin! I am so glad you liked my book! From my heart to yours, joy

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