Joy’s Answer: As with most of the questions I am asked…it is very challenging to answer a question without additional information of a very intimate and personal nature. However, I can share my thoughts based on both my experience and the experiences of my clients. If I were forced to say either yes or no to this question, I would definitely say: Yes, Tantra can potentially increase anyone’s libido. Some people may disagree with me, especially those who prefer to separate Tantra from the sex lives of the masses, but I believe that it definitely can.
For me, the various techniques my husband and I have incorporated into our sex life (from Tantra, Sacred Sexuality practices and Quodoushka teachings) has definitely increased my libido. In fact, when my husband and I first began our relationship, I was honestly pretty damaged with a lot of “baggage”. We used a variety of techniques (deep penetration healing, heart connection, Emotional Freedom Technique, Compassionate Communication, etc.) to overcome a lot of the emotional blocks that both of us were dealing with. So, if your wife has healing around sexuality, body image, or other related issues, that could potentially cause her libido to be lower. I don’t know what stage in life you are at. If you have young children, or for that matter, children of any age, still living at home, it can sometimes be harder for women to feel “turned on”.
Also, I guess you have to really ask yourself if there is truly an issue. Does your wife feel satisfied? Does she want to increase her libido? Is she interested in expanding her sexual knowledge to include Tantric techniques? If possible, these are questions to ask your wife. If you don’t feel comfortable communicating openly about your sex life, or if there are barriers to healthy and open communication…finding a way to break through and just TALK is definitely a good start.
Stress is one of the biggest libido zappers out there! With that in mind, Tantric massage, or even just relaxation massage could really open things up. If I had to tell you one small technique that I would recommend to help enhance your connection and level of intimacy with your wife…it wold be this:
- While your wife is out of the house, tidy up and organize your space to make it feel more welcoming and enjoyable
- Put out some nice candles, possibly get her some flowers, maybe a little chocolate, some wine, you get the picture…
- Don’t just surprise her, as that can back fire…let her know you plan on giving her a special night of pampering
- When she comes home, draw a bath for her, or have a shower together…while in the shower or while she’s in the bath..massage her body, wash her hair and take time to connect
- Possibly cook for her, or order in a nice meal…share some quiet conversation over dinner
- Then, make sure you get a nice hypoallergenic, unscented massage oil and give her a gentle, yet attentive massage…
- The most important thing is this…let go of all goals..don’t imagine that, at the end of this night of pampering, you’ll have hot, steamy, Tantric sex with your wife…Expectations can often lead to disappointment
- Simply try connecting, communicating and if you feel comfortable…at some point during this evening of wining and dining…place your hand in the center of her chest (between her breasts)..take a couple of deep breaths while looking into her eyes…and simply tell her how much you love her.
Mountain recently began sending me a little note each day telling me how much he loves me and why. Now, I don’t have any issues with my libido (not at this stage in our relationship, anyways) but I must admit…it really turns me on to hear all of his secret little loving thoughts. He is not a talkative guy. His birth given name is Mountain and his nickname is “Mountain Silence”. Because of his quiet, calm nature…I KNOW he loves me and why, but I have really enjoyed this process…we are on day 13 today…out of 365…and I feel so loved, and even MORE open to sexual union and connection! Not saying you have to commit to a year of loving messages, or even that it is necessary to provide a night of full on pampering to have frequent sex that provides a higher level of connection…but I must say…it can’t hurt, it will be enjoyable for both you and your wife…and it may just bring some of the “spark” back to your relationship. Worst case scenario is that you have a nice night together.
As for the deeper aspects of Tantra and libido…I believe that, if you truly incorporate Tantra into your life and your sex life (heart connection, soul gazing, massage, open communication, mindful breathing, etc.) the stress relief alone enhances the libido…That’s all she wrote…please contact me again or comment on his post if you need more clarification or have additional questions. From my heart to yours, Joy