During a recent session, I was completely baffled by my client’s lack of awareness about the art of deeply satisfying sensual interactions. In the past, various people have sought my services and in their own way, I found that they looked to me as an expert or even a guru. In my mind, I am just an empowered woman walking a sensuous path. I think that, in some way, I was not aware of the huge gap in knowledge that exists between myself and some of my clients. I suppose there have been other clients in the past who lacked adequate knowledge about their bodies, their spiritual nature or their intrinsic sensuality, but this session sparked a deeper exploration in me.
This particular individual has traveled around the world, works in an incredibly high power position and has a plethora of knowledge about a variety of topics. Yet, he does not know how to truly give in to pleasure and he is lacking some very basic tools. His desire? To dive into passion and eroticism with his beloved wife. His session deviated from what I normally experience during sessions. His need was to conduct a sort of question and answer interview with me. He asked, I answered, he asked, I answered….it went on like this for almost 2 hours.
When his session was nearly complete, he asked me about my upbringing. Much to his surprise, I shared that I was raised in an very conservative home where sexuality was not discussed on any level within my family. Of course, my adopted father molested me off and on throughout most of my childhood, so perversion was definitely a part of my upbringing. This knowledge somehow shocked my client. I’m not sure what he expected to find out about my childhood, but it was as if he were seeking an answer to the Joy conundrum and came up with nothing.
After our session was finished, I reflected on my path and how I came to this place in my life. Those of you who have been following this blog (either silently or in an interactive manner) know that I have a love/hate relationship with both my path and this blog. At times, I feel totally exposed and completely vulnerable. Other times, I feel incredibly empowered. It is my willingness to be fully transparent that leaves me open to the judgments and perceptions of others. Experiencing the response to my transparency is what leaves me vulnerable.
The bottom line: It ain’t easy being me, but I will not give away my power by trying to be someone else.