“This is going to sound funny, but I will try to explain: My wife’s G-Spot is located almost at the very opening of her vagina. I can slow down and do my best to excite her, but for her to orgasm she has to rub the head of my penis right on her G-Spot from the woman on top position which immediately drives me over the top and I ejaculate.
I have tried the breathing techniques for your multi-orgasmic male book but it doesn’t seem to help (or I’m not doing it right). Any thoughts on how I can last longer and give my wife more pleasure? FYI – She gets very uncomfortable is I try to use my hands in foreplay to get her aroused prior to penetration and she also worries that I’m getting over excited or bored (over-excite probably but bore, NEVER). Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.”
Dear Slow Down,
First, I want to give you some gentle reassurance. In no way do I mean to belittle the frustration you may experience, but this is a common challenge face by men of all ages and from all walks of life. In my book, The Guy’s Guide to Multiple Orgasms I cover some techniques that my clients have found effective in dealing with any level of premature ejaculation.
Rather than re-create the wheel, I decided to share some of the exercises in my book…
Excerpt from my book:
“Osho, a highly revered professor of philosophy from the 1960s, became known as a “sex guru” in both the Indian and international press. Although the intention of Osho’s teachings is often debated, I find his writing to be inspirational and beneficial, especially around issues related to sexuality and sexual energy. Sometimes I find that it is necessary to let go of our ego, step away from perception, and just listen to the wisdom shared by others. So, without further ado, here is one of Osho’s statements about sexual energy:
“When sexual energy isn’t flowing as it should, it creates many problems. If the sexual energy is flowing perfectly well then everything hums rightly, everything remains in accord. Then you are simply in tune and there is a kind of equilibrium. Once the sexual energy gets stuck somewhere there are repercussions all over the body….”
It seems to me that your sexual energy may be stuck in the area of your genitals. This means that it is even more important for you to find a way to not only connect with, but also draw your sexual energy throughout your body.
Excerpt from my book: “Here is another basic exercise that may help you connect with your sexual energy. You can choose to complete this exercise clothed or naked:
- Begin by finding a quiet time and space with no interruptions.
- Rather than actually stimulating yourself, simply place your hand over your genitals.
- It’s possible that you may become aroused during this process; remember, there is no right way to do this, so take your time and find what works.
- If it feels right, bring your other hand to your heart.
- Now simply take a few mindful breaths.
- As you breathe in, imagine you are drawing sexual energy throughout your body.
- As you exhale, imagine that you are releasing any shame, guilt, or blocks held within.
- Continue taking mindful breaths and imagine connecting with your sexual energy.
Cultivating your sexual energy is vital to your emotional, physical, and spiritual health.”
I suggest by beginning with the exercise above…it is often easier to begin experimenting independently during self exploration and masturbation. Including your partner when you are first learning to channel your sexual energy can provide too much stimulation and excitement. Take some time to explore your body and learn how to control your sexual energy…
Except from my book:
“Phase 3: Orgasm
The orgasm phase is the shortest stage of the sex response cycle. It normally lasts for just a few seconds. During this stage, you may experience the following:
- Your muscles contract involuntarily.
- Your rate of breathing, blood pressure, and heart rate peak as your intake of oxygen increases.
- You feel muscle spasms in your feet.
- All of a sudden, you feel an intense sexual release as you ejaculate.
- The muscles at the base of your penis begin to contract rhythmically, which results in the ejaculation of semen.
- Your entire body becomes mildly flushed.”
I realize that the above excerpt is generally common knowledge. However, to connect with and channel your sexual energy, you must know the signs of your approaching orgasm. When you feel yourself tensing your muscles, breathe deeply and draw the energy throughout your body.
After you try these exercises yourself and become more comfortable channeling your sexual energy and drawing out your orgasmic response, you may slowly integrate your wife into your practice. I would love to continue guiding, so please feel free to update me and ask questions as they arise. May you experience bliss!
From my heart to yours,