Was sipping a glass of Merlot, wishing my lover was home, feeling kind of lonely last night. Decided to watch a movie. Couldn’t find anything interesting, but finally settled for the movie Don Jon. Like many modern-day movies, the director attempted to draw viewers in with tits and ass. I find that a lot of movies include explicit sex, nudity and related to content that doesn’t necessarily enhance the viewer’s experience, but in this case, the graphic sexual content was warranted because of the focus.
The main character of the movie is a porn addict who struggles to connect during real life sexual interactions. His character was so similar to many of the male clients I have worked with who are obsessed with or even addicted to porn. This aspect of the movie really struck a chord in me. We are a sex obsessed society and the main sexual expression North Americans view is hard-core pornography. This makes me feel truly sad inside.
I have completely banned hard-core porn from my life. It has never interested me and I am in no way drawn to watch it. I know that many people would say that it is because I am a woman. Trust me, while the majority of my clients who admitted to obsession with porn were male, tonnes of women I talk to or work with watch porn. For me, the essence of porn id dick in cunt, cock in mouth, jizz on boobs, etc. It is all very physical. While physical, frantic, in your face sex can be deeply enjoyable, the pornography that is available to the mainstream viewers is not appealing to me. There is something missing. The sensuous, lustful, deeply satisfying sex I experience is not represented in mainstream pornography.
There is an “adult store” in Vancouver called Womyn’s Ware. They cater to female patrons and last time I checked, they did not carry pornographic movies. Why? Because they review every product sold in their store and they were unable to find porn that suited their taste. This speaks volumes to me. Most young men learn how to fuck by watching porn! This is truly scary.
In Don Jon, the main character begins conversing with a slightly older and wiser woman who teaches him about the essence of making love. She teaches him about the art of connection, the art of losing yourself in another person. She also asks him if he ever masturbates without the use of porn to stimulate his senses. In his case, he does not. Each and every time he masturbates (multiple times per day) he uses porn to help him get off.
I was wondering how many Tantrachick readers watch porn, use porn during masturbation, or even just for stimulation during foreplay, so I created a poll, but please also feel free to comment, as I’d love to hear more…
At one time I considered creating sensuous pornographic movies from a more hands on, education through experience style. However, the cost to create a high quality movie and the ability to find authentic individuals to be featured in the film blocked my desire. I would love to be a part of something so potentially enlightening for our society.
Well, life calls. That’s all she wrote. From my heart to yours, Joy
ps: to all of my readers who have so generously contributed to my family’s immigration fund. Namaste. I appreciate you!