We all know that North America is a touch-starved society. One of the issues that is at the core of this problem is that we are not fully intimate with ourselves. Before we are able to build a healthy relationship filled with deep, sensuous intimacy, we must first go on a journey of self exploration and discovery. We must reconnect with ourselves, and rediscover our passion and what gives us pleasure. There was a time that I did not know my body or understand the depth of my emotional disconnection from both myself and others.
I had so many soul wounds that I was wrapped up inside myself, not allowing others to get close to me. When my lover Mountain and I first became intimate, the level of openness he desired from me made me feel…well to be honest, it made me feel angry. I found myself truly feeling for the first time in a long, long time and it terrified me. I had grown accustomed to the wall I built around myself and stepping beyond the walls of my heart was uncomfortable and made me feel vulnerable. As Mountain hacked away at the barrier between my heart and his, I didn’t know how to process the intensity of emotions I had locked away for so long.
I have worked with a couple of clients recently who either feel this way themselves, or have partners who are in many ways emotionally and sexually unavailable. When I think about all of the wonderful, vibrant, and loving people who are walking around in a state of disconnect, it makes my heart feel heavy and sad. But enough of the doom and gloom, what I want to focus on here is real life solutions. Although it is possible to draw out your partner through tender, loving touch, it is far more likely that the final breakthrough will come from within.
With this in mind, I would like to focus on self exploration and discovery. For me, the path to adulthood was painful. It was filled with sexual, physical and emotional abuse. Not that every moment was horrific, but there were so many moments filled with hurt that my memories became clouded with the pain I felt inside. I was unable to remember the beautiful moments. From both my personal and professional life, I understand that it is very common for people who have suffered at the hands of an abuser to forget the sparkly parts of life and begin focusing solely on the darker aspects of life
This can also be true of someone who has suffered a great loss. Whether the loss happened through a death, betrayal, or even if the loss was self chosen…the negative effects of a broken heart can be truly challenging to overcome. Most people deal with pain, suffering and betrayal by disconnecting. They literally shut off their emotions just like one might shut off a tap to stop the flow of water. This of course does not mean that they won’t be haunted by their past, they have just put some distance between themselves and the pain, but the pain is still there.
Over time, the pain might even grow. Some people will use stimulants to cope, while others may simply throw themselves into their work. The result is the same…they become increasingly disconnected from their essence, and in response, they become despondent and unresponsive. I am sure you have either felt this way, or have known someone who you see as shut off or disconnected. If the person suffering is close to you, all you can do is provide an emotional bridge with the hopes that they will walk across it of their own free will.
However, if it is you that is disconnected from either yourself or others, you have the power to reconnect. Imagine that I am here with you now. Possibly you are sitting in your favourite chair, or maybe you are lying in bed reading my words. Imagine that I am able to stand above you and place my hand on the crown of your head. As I do so, a gentle energy begins to flow through you. It is like there is an electric cord running through the center of your being and together, we are able to turn it on!
You begin to feel alive as you feel energy rippling through the very core of your being. You feel it flow down through your mind, into your jaw, down through your neck and shoulders and into the palms of your hands. You may feel energy rippling through your fingertips, you chest, heart, lungs and abdomen. Energy may flow through each and every one of your organs and down through your pelvis, thighs, legs, ankles and right into the soles of your feet.
Somehow you feel grounded yet light all at once. Your
stress, tension and negative emotions seem somehow far away or even non-existent as you allow your sensuous energy to flow…free and uninhibited.
You feel those words rippling through your mind, body, spirit and heart. FREE! As you feel free, you realize that you truly are FREE! You are free to experience bliss, to embrace joy, to dive into the sensuous waters rumbling beneath the surface of your body. You feel again! You feel FREE! For a moment, your mind may flutter like a butterfly back towards the past, but you clear your mind, place one hand in the center of your chest and the other on your belly and you simply breathe.
At first your breath may be shallow, but as you continue focusing on your breath, it naturally deepens. You feel your heart open as your thoughts are focused on this beautiful energy flowing freely through you. There is a sense of relief within. You desire a full release. Possibly this means that you will paint your heart out. Maybe you will swim in cool water, allowing your new-found sense of self to consume you.
Maybe you will embark on a sensuous path of self discovery. Allowing your hands to explore the depths of your body; focusing on the beauty of sensuality and your natural desire for pleasure. Then you briefly remember that the title of this blog post is Peace Through Pleasure. In that moment, it becomes clear. The path to peace within is pleasure. Whether you find pleasure in silence, artistic endeavors, or sensual exploration does not matter. For this particular exercise, we are at least somewhat focused on the destination.
We are focused on inner peace. While feelings of pleasure consumer your body, allow your mind to roam free. Possibly you find yourself caught up in a fantasy that you were once too fearful to explore. Maybe you will create a chaotic canvas covered in silky colors that seem to come to life. It is just as likely that you will simply sit in silence and feel the power of your breath. The path is yours to forge as you desire…the destination is inner peace. May you be free. May you be happy. May you experience bliss. May you be feel peace within. From my heart to yours, Joy