Emotionally Safe Sex


Hey folks,

In follow up to my recent post about pornography, I wanted to share this enlightening TED Talk video.

“Love Porn? Then Don’t Watch This. Because This Guy Is About To Convince You To Delete Your Porn Stash.

His arguments have nothing to do with the Bible, or Jesus, or religion at all. Ran Gavrieli is just a typical guy who grew up with his porn, and who liked it … until he started working with men and women who had been involved in the sex industry.

His eyes were opened, and suddenly he saw not only how he was helping to perpetuate a harmful industry, but also how porn was warping his mind, destroying his capacity to enjoy authentically intimate sex.

With the average 12-year-old now routinely accessing porn on the Internet, Gavrieli’s words couldn’t be more timely.

WARNING: The video includes frank, and therefore occasionally graphic, descriptions of sexual matters.”

4 Comments Add yours

  1. neketa0824 says:

    As a woman who used to watch porn a lot when I was younger, I stopped for some of the reasons Ran mentions. I remember at a time watching a movie and seeing a scene in which the female looked distraught. I remember sitting there, trying to figure out if she was just uncomfortable because of the physical position she was in…or because she was being forced in some way – directly or indirectly – to do this movie. It fucked with my head on a level I couldn’t ignore. From that point, I would ask myself this question about each woman I saw.

    If you are anxious to just get off, you could push past the pitiful looks and just incorporate it into a fantasy a ‘naughty woman is getting punished but really likes it deep down’. However, you could also allow yourself to recognize you are watching a flesh and blood person (not just a vagina with a body attached) and recognize the look on these women’s faces might go well beyond what is happening in the scene. Once I got into that headspace, it was hard to ever watch porn again…well, ‘professional’ porn (I admittedly find sex caught on security cameras funny and intriguing, as it still contains an element of human authenticity).

    Ran also helped me realize, in retrospect, the men really only do touch the woman at the penetration site most of the time. I can’t believe I really hadn’t noticed before.

    1. Tantrachick says:

      Wow, thank you so much for sharing! I can see how your process unfolded and applaud you for taking notice. In many areas of life, it can be hard to focus on the raw human emotion…I think our society’s obsession with pornography is an excellent example of how we often over look the humanness of the people participating willingly or by force. I appreciate you joining the conversation. From my heart to yours, Joy

  2. Steve says:

    Very Great Article and Video.
    And so much truth in what is said!

    1. Tantrachick says:

      Thanks for your support Steve! 🙂 Joy

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