Another topic of discussion the past couple weeks with many of my clients is the art of female orgasm. I have found it so interesting to talk to men who have been sexually intimate for many years and women who have been sexually active for many years, but still don’t grasp the female orgasm.
There are so many women who literally cannot have an orgasm from clitoral stimulation, oral sex, or penetration. I find this truly sad and disheartening. To bring your mind into a place of deep relaxation, to feel pleasure surging through your body, to experiences the peaks and valleys of sexual bliss and to erupt into orgasm is bliss. I want this experience for every woman.
For a man to be able to hold space for his woman so that she is able to let go into pleasure rather than perform for the pleasure of her lover is also a true gift. Over the years, I have worked with so many men who know they need help in this area of their sex life. To me, it is simple, but for some it is complex and almost mystical.
I have been thinking about this and realize that a contributing factor is that we are both sex obsessed and deprived. If you walk through a mall, you will see huge photos of women laying in seductive poses barely clad compelling you to be seduced into making a purchase.
The message to women in our society is clear. If you do not look like the women in the magazines, on the billboard, or walking down he red carpet, you are not a real woman. You are not skinny enough, beautiful enough, you are not sexy enough. The message to men is that the sultry, seductive woman you see in the media is the woman you are attracted to.
Of course we are all aware of this game on some level, but do we know how these images affect our subconscious minds? Do we understand how these images affect us? If you watch pornography (I do not) then these messages are drilled even further into your subconscious mind. So how do we break free from what society tells us is sexy…how do we break free from the negative self talk playing like a recording in our minds?
We must find a way to deeply and completely love and accept ourselves as we are. In fact, by deeply and completely loving ourselves unconditionally, we may be able to change patterns that harm us, damage our bodies, or keep us trapped in a state of ill health.
When we break through the utter bullshit in the media that is literally penetrating our subconscious minds, we feel free. We free our minds and we begin to love our bodies and our partner’s bodies even if our bodies or our partner’s bodies are not what mainstream media tells us is conventionally beautiful.
When we enter this space of self/partner love. When we enter this space of self/partner acceptance. When we enter this space of commitment to deeply, completely and unconditionally admiring the unique beauty of ourselves and our partners, we feel passion. We feel passion for ourselves. We feel passion for our lover(s).
And passion dear friend, passion, dear lover, passion is the key to pleasure. Pleasure. True pleasure that is emotional, physical, sexual, and spiritual is the key to female orgasm. Of course, there are a thousand techniques that I can teach you, or that you can learn independently, but the bottom line is that all of the sexual techniques in the world will not help you “give” a woman an orgasm.
For a woman to scream YES! and experience an earth shattering orgasm, she must first feel at one with her body. She must first feel emotionally supported and respected (by herself or her partner). She must understand her body, her desire, and her orgasmic potential. She must dig deep and transform! In my opinion, the most important part of orgasmic transformation is self love and acceptance.
My body has carried me on this earth for nearly 4 decades. My body has given birth to 4 children. My body has also miscarried 4 babies. My body has suffered physical and sexual abuse. I have, in the past, suffered from bulimia. When I was modelling, I was told that I was not skinny enough. I purged the food I ate to fit into the mold that I was told I must fulfill.
At certain points in life, the gravity of my experiences was so much for my body, mind, spirit, and heart that my sexuality was something I felt shameful of. Luckily for me, I had a deep enough desire and the right support to break free from the chains that were binding me. To break free from the subconscious recordings in my mind. To not only break free from pain and suffering, but to transmute that negative energy into my sexual experiences.
I experienced deep, soul shifting, mind freeing, body rocking, blissfully orgasmic releases that helped me become whole again. That is what I want for you! I want you to dig deep and transform. I want you to look into the mirror and love what you see. I want you to feel pleasure rippling through the fiber of your being. I want you to scream YES! to pleasure! I want you to scream YES! to orgasm. I want you to embrace your sexuality. That’s all she wrote.
From my heart to yours,
PS: If you desire a guide, I would love to be your guide: firstname.lastname@example.org