Behind the Smoke and Mirrors


Being a Sensual Living and Tantric Intimacy Coach seems to have a certain allure to it. I sometimes launch into a conversation with someone, kind of losing myself in my passion for sex, sexuality, and sensuality and then..I look up and their eyes are practically popping out of their head. It is in these moments that I remember this very important fact: Not everyone is sexually empowered. Not everyone LOVES sex! Not everyone is comfortable, and fully confident while speaking about sex.

Luckily for me, I am sexually empowered. I LOVE sex! I am fully comfortable and confident speaking about sex. The other day, a fellow from somewhere on this planet we call earth entered into my VIP Tantra immersion program. I went through the usual introduction, asked him a few probing questions, and then had him fill out my even more personal New Client Intake Form. This process provides me with the information I need to individualize his program for him and his partner.

After he filled out the questionnaire and answered my additional questions, he sent me this email (shared with written permission):

“Honestly, I was curious {and wanted to know the answers to} the same questions you’ve asked me. Your relationship status and arrangement. I am curious about what works for you, how you came to where you are with teaching tantra. I’m interested in what makes you tick. I’m simply fascinated by all of this. Often, I consider going back to school to study sex therapy to help come to terms and understand what I consider my addiction to sex. Is the position you are in as satisfying as I fantasize it to be?

Please forgive my prying and being all over the place. I want to know more, and I don’t know where to start.”

When I read his email, it made me giggle out loud. I guess I don’t think about my work in the same way. It is just what I do and how I am. The following is my response to the man we shall call “Jay”:

Dear Jay

As I mentioned, it is my goal to be transparent in my communication. Here goes: I am in a 100% monogamous relationship with my husband and have been for almost 20 years. Compared to other people’s boundaries, ours are likely interesting to say the least. My husband is fully committed and does not teach Tantra, or other intimate arts.

When I work with women, I offer massage that sometimes includes g-spot stimulation and yoni massage, but for educational purposes (teaching her partner, her learning about her body, or for healing purposes). When I worked with men in the past, I also provided massage, but for relaxation purposes with absolutely no genital contact (I no longer offer massage to men).

I am always fully clothed during sessions in person, but have allowed myself (with “permission” from my husband) to be more vulnerable via Skype. In fact, my husband has recently agreed to teach massage, g-spot massage, and yoni massage using my body via Skype.

I have been trying to get him to open more to this process, but it is not within his comfort zone. He is 98% supportive of my work. Every now and again jealousy is an issue, but honestly, not often. Part of our success is the fact that I am fiercely committed to our relationship.

I imagine it also helps that I make his sexual dreams come true:) He is deeply satisfied, which helps him feel more confident in our sexual connection. I have NEVER cheated on my husband, or even breached a known boundary during our entire relationship and trust me, we have a lot of boundary talks.

To answer your question, it is all you fantasized and more, but not in a sexually gratifying way. It is the ability to communicate with people and to help them in such a taboo area of their lives that makes me feel such passion.

Hope that answers your question,


It makes me feel quite vulnerable to share these emails. Especially the part about teaching with my body. This is something I have never done before and both my hubby and I are interested to see how it feels for us afterwards. We have been discussing creating instructional style videos, but I have a feeling it is not in the cards for us.
Anyways, I figured that if this fellow is interested in knowing more about my relationship, then others likely are as well. The other day I received a Facebook message from a middle aged Christian woman. The message said “Whore!” Nothing more, nothing less. Just that one deadly insult. I looked up from my computer, coffee in hand and made eye contact with my husband who was teaching our youngest daughter some math techniques.
I looked back down at my computer, drafting a rant in my mind, decided to take the higher ground and simply deleted this woman and blocked her. It is sometimes tempting to defend my way of life and my professional practice. However, giving people who speak to me out of ignorance, judgment, and brokenness a reaction feeds the negativity between us.
I am not a whore after all, I am a “monogamous slut” lol. That’s all she wrote.
From my heart to yours,
Photo Courtesy of:
Photo Courtesy of:

2 Comments Add yours

  1. bob says:

    i do want to share so much with..i think u r amazing.

  2. Tantrachick says:

    Well thank you! Very sweet of you! I hope you continue to find the courage to join in on the conversation! It’s what makes this all worthwhile for me!

Leave a Reply to bob Cancel reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.