Take a breath. A deep breath and move it through your body. Feel your breath. Be your breath. Feel the power of your energy, for it exists, whether you are aware of it or not.
This topic won’t seem to move from my mind. Of course, the power of energy is always present in my mind, but much more so over the past few days. I was supposed to be sipping my coffee in this moment, but it seems I shall blog instead 🙂 Over the years I have worked with a lot of people who, because of their own beliefs around science do not believe that we have energy in our bodies. I can easily relate to this point of view because at one point in time, I also did not believe in energy.
What changed this for me is working with hundreds, possibly over a thousand men, women, and couples over the past decade. I am a “seeing is believing” type of chick. If I see it once, I may still question it, but if I see, feel, or experience the same or similar occurrence in a variety of settings with a variety of people over and extended period of time, my thoughts shift. This is what it was like for me with respect to energy and more specifically sexual energy in my body.
If I were to name what was happening in my body energetically as a child, adolescent, and young adult, I would have to say chaos. I picture a lightning storm inside my body. Completely out of control, firing off randomly and causing a great deal of damage. This picture is what I created to represent how my body felt after suffering from sexual abuse at the hands of an adult that I deeply trusted.
I went through and unpublished this photo from my blog, as it was somehow way too personal. I remember when I originally posted it that so many people had an internal reaction to it and shared here own paths of sexual trauma and healing. I decided that today, I would free this image again. It is powerful to think about where I came from emotionally and where I am today.
I am a true believer that healing is a life long journey, so I continue each day to focus on my energy and for me, I put a great deal of focus on my sexual energy. Possibly this is because of my past, or maybe it’s just because I have grown into a confident, empowered woman who truly loves sex, sexuality, and sexual expression. I hope that one day I will have the focus to write my story.
I realize I have written bits and pieces of it through this blog, but I would like to see my story turned into a self help manual for others. There are many of these, but each person’s journey is unique, possibly someone would connect with my path and in turn, they would also feel their sexual energy rippling through the very fiber of their being.
After the lightning storm of chaos wreaking havoc in my body, I went into another stage. It was the calm before the storm (I know that seems backwards). My mind, body, and spirit became very calm, I seemed to have very little to no sexual desire and I began to develop a variety of feminine health issues, ovarian cysts being the most painful. The pain associated with my cysts and my moon cycle were debilitating.
Then I suffered a total of 5 miscarriages and my body felt alien to me. I was angry with my body, angry at my past, and overall just angry. It was then that the storm truly happened. This storm was utter chaos, but a deeply erotic chaos that caused me to erupt into orgasm easily and often. I could be sitting thinking about something erotic, or contemplating writing some erotica and I would have an “energy orgasm”.
It was a beautiful part of my path. I am still like this, but I have learned to channel and take charge of my sexual energy. Over the past few weeks, I have felt a new stage of development approaching. I do not yet know what I will discover, but I promise to share as this part of my journey unfolds. In the meantime, breathe. Feel your own sexual energy…like a gentle purr that ripples through you…and now, sensuous, delicious, dark roast, fair trade organic coffee with a touch of chocolate creamer.