Leave it, Hate it, Love it!


Wow, just realized that I am a NeoTantra Lifestyle Entrepreneur…I am also an Intimacy/Pleasure/Sex Coach, Blogger, Hypnotherapist, Masseuse, Author, Ecstatic Dance Teacher, Artist, Gypsy, and then the obvious, Mother, Wife, and Lover. However, all of my various “hats” or titles fit under the umbrella of my new self-appointed title.

I am not positive where I first heard the title “Lifestyle Entrepreneur”, but I think it might have been fro the 4 Hour Work Week, written by Timiothy Ferris. Another of my favourite business coaches, Yaro Starak from the Entrepreneurs Journey also uses the term. Maybe I heard it from Yaro first, can’t be sure.

If you are not familiar with the term, I will provide you with both the official definition and my definition. According to the Business Dictionary, a Lifestyle Entrepreneur “An individual that creates a business with the purpose of altering their personal lifestyle and not for the sole purpose of making profits. A lifestyle entrepreneur focuses more on the life rewards provided to people that enjoy and have a passion for what they are doing. There is a possibility that the business will do particularity well since the individual has a passion for what he/she is doing.”

For me, the meaning is similar, except that I enjoy focusing specifically on the sensual aspects of life..oh my, during this process, I readjusted my title to: Sensualist Lifestyle Entrepreneur. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love Tantra and NeoTantra, but when you get down to it, I am a sensualist “a person devoted to physical, especially sexual, pleasure.” Yup, that’s me to a T. My intention for my life is to wake up feeling passionate about my day, to enjoy the simple yet sensual aspects of life, to be sexually satisfied, and to follow the work with the following in mind: “”f you love the work you do, you’ll never work a day in your life.”

As my long-term readers know very well, I do not like working for others and I do not like completing tasks that I don’t enjoy. I understand that it is a necessity of life to sometimes do things we don’t necessarily enjoy. However, I have this saying “Leave it. Hate it. Love it.” In essence, these are the options we have when there is an aspect of our lives, or for that matter, a task in our day, that we do not thoroughly enjoy.

If we cannot leave or avoid the task and it is not something we want to do, we can definitely dislike it, or even hate it. If we “hate” our work, each day is filled with doing something we hate. Therefore, if it is not feasible to leave your job and you hate the work you do, you spend a lot of your time doing something you “hate”. Also, if you are in a relationship with someone you have grown to dislike, you can and many do, vehemently hate your relationship.

I found myself in this situation during my first marriage (notice I don’t often speak about my firs marriage?). I will not speak ill of my first husband (it is rude to speak ill of the dead after all). In addition, it’s just not my style, but I will say that my first marriage was filled with abuse and a lack of trust. It was the single most unhealthy relationship I have entered willingly into. What I can do is thank my deceased first husband (no I did not kill him, he died of cirrhosis) for teaching me what I DO NOT WANT in a relationship.

Luckily, I was able to take the lessons I learned from that relationship and develop a clearly defined set of criteria for my next relationship. In the very early stages of my relationship with my current loving, delectably sweet, caring, compassionate and responsive husband Mountain, I laid it all on the line. He had also suffered through a challenging first marriage, so we were on the same page. Neither of us wanted to re-create mistakes from the past and we have not.

My point? I left my first husband, even though for me, that meant leaving behind my custom-built lake house, two additional properties and the construction business I helped create. All in all, I wound up with a wounded spirit, a broken heart, an inability to trust, and a lot of sexual hang ups, and some ailments resulting from the physical abuse I endured at the hands of the man I thought I loved.

In this example from my life, there was no choice for me but to leave. I think it is important to illustrate this point. There are times where LEAVING is the only healthy choice. however, in situations that are less dramatic, we have the ability to transform our “hate” into love. The song “Love the One You’re With” comes to mind. If you are in a healthy relationship that is simply dying due to a lack of care, you CAN transform your relationship and fall in love again.

If you have financial responsibilities that makes leaving a job you “hate” challenging or seemingly impossible, I recommend finding ways to enjoy the work. You may not feel like it is possible for you to LOVE IT, but you can try to at least like it. The same is true for all the mundane, tedious tasks that happen each and everyday. I think sometimes people forget that I have a normal life. I may have very extraordinary “work”, but I am a monogamously married woman with 7 kids, 1 doge, 1 puppy, and 2 adolescent cats.

I own a home that was built 100 years ago, I live in an area that does not offer the same cultural influences, or beautiful natural habitat I am accustomed to. I am not going to say that there have not been times that I haven’t felt a level of dislike or even hatred for certain tasks (who likes cleaning a toilet). What I am saying is that I have set the intention for myself to attempt to love all that I do. When I think about the thousands of meals I have prepared for my family, I feel overwhelmed. When I see another pile of laundry that I must process, I feel uninspired. That is the truth, but if I take a deep breath and offer myself in servitude while listening to music I love ad thinking about how blessed we as North Americans are, I feel love in my heart. I feel love for my life.

Loving my life means embracing all the tedious and even the daunting tasks that I am responsible for. Loving my life means continuing to do the work I love even though it is out in left field. Even though I sometimes receive negative feedback. Even though my husband looks at me like I have 5 heads when I tell him I have signed up for Betty Dodson’s “Bodysex Workshop.” Even though doing the work I love is isolating at times.

Being a Dedicated Sensualist and Lifestyle Entrepreneur means keeping on keeping on because it is the life I love. From my heart to yours, Joyi_am_free2007

6 Comments Add yours

  1. Joy, The story you tell today is most inspiring. Thank you. It is delightful to know that you are a fan of Betty Dodson. She and Carlin are at the top of my list of heroines. I came to know Betty as a result of meeting Riane Eisler through IONS and then branching out to Tantra, et. al. I wish you continued happiness of the kind you bring to so many of us. Namaste, Dan

    1. Tantrachick says:

      Thank you Dan,

      I appreciate your feedback and am please you feel inspired! I hope to hear your voice again, as I love the topic!

      From my heart to yours,


  2. Kevin says:

    You are an inspiration. Obviously in sensuality, but in many other ways as well. That’s why I have been a silent reader of your blog for years.

    1. Tantrachick says:

      Well thank you kind sir! Glad I got back at it again 😉

  3. Dana says:

    You are a beautiful person and an inspiration to many 🙂 (I am usually a silent reader as well). Thank you for sharing yourself and your journey.

    1. Tantrachick says:

      Thank you for your kind words! I am sure you are an inspiration and a beautiful person as well Dana! In Community, Joy

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