The past couple days have been filled with loving, soul fulfilling sex. This afternoon I checked my phone and received this text from my lover: “You rock my soul. Thank you for loving me. I could live 1000 lifetimes, but I will be standing somewhere waiting for you to come along and make my life whole.”
Some of you probably know that I literally picked Mountain up on the side of the road while he was waiting…hitchhiking. He always says that that ride turned into the “ride of his lifetime.” I am sure you all know that intimacy attracts intimacy. When you make love, you feel closer to your lover and are more likely to make love again.
Today I had one of my random meetings with a beautiful woman who is in a nearly sexless marriage. Not sure how it happened, but within moments of meeting her (she is not a client) she shared her issues with me. I heard it from her and I hear it from so many of my clients…that their marriage is fulfilling in almost every way, except in the bedroom.
When you see that your lover is attracted to you and responsive to your sexual needs, it is definitely easier to feel loved. Even if your lover doesn’t have the same level of libido, or the same way of sexually expressing themselves, it does not mean that they are not in love with you.
Sex, emotions, intimacy, and sensuality are complex. A big part of what I teach people to bring to the bedroom is compassionate communication. If you are able to open the lines of communication and talk to your partner about how you feel…there is a chance that they will find it in their heart to be more responsive to your needs.
The example I gave today of the loving text I received from Mountain is the type of communication I recommend. Finding small ways to show your appreciation is a huge part of having a healthy relationship. I said in an email to one of my clients/students that “this week has kicked my ass.”
It truly has. My step daughter is facing some desperately challenging times and is finding being a young, single mother very challenging. Between that and my youngest daughter getting violently ill, the puppy going through a chewing stage, and the many, many other challenges I have faced this week, it is brilliant that Mountain and I found the time to make love.
Making love, sex, and intimacy a priority is even more important when life feels intense. Mountain is working full-time and going to school full-time. Sometimes his new job sends him away to train for a couple of days, a couple of weeks, or even longer. It has been a huge adjustment for me. Sometimes I feel like a single parent juggling the needs and lives of 7 kids.
Much of the daily tasks and the issues with the kids rests on me. Receiving his beautiful words today put wind in my sails. It is incredible how much a few words and a sincerely loving sentiment can transform your emotional state of mind. I think it is truly important to remember that emotional connection leads to more fulfilling sex. Appreciate your lover. Appreciate yourself. Please remember…your words, whether positive, negative, judgmental, or accepting hold power.
From my heart to yours,