The Art of Spiritual Sex and Self Love


For me, moving to the Midwest and now attempting to set up a full practice here in Iowa has been such an interesting endeavor. I would have to say that there is most definitely a different perspective, mindset and spiritual attitude…on the surface. However, once you dig down just a bit, the people are the same. There seems to be more of a connection between sexual repression and religion here than there is on the West Coast, but other than that, I am finding that people want to the same thing.

What is a bit different is that, because there are much fewer authentic sacred sexual, Tantra, or Chuluaqui Quodoushka (CHOO-la-kway Kwuh-DOE-shka) practitioners here…there is a lack of understanding about the role of a sex coach. My role is to help you break through barriers. To embrace your unique approach to sexual expression. To provide a safe and confidential space for you to not only talk about your sexuality, but also to ask questions about your sexuality.

Over the years I have realized that a high percentage of adults (both male and female) do not understand the basics of sex. This might not seem to make sense considering the fact that the internet is flooded with over 1,550,000,000 results when you search the term Sex. However, imagine how confusing it would be to try to sort through billions of results to find the particular information you seek. When you search the term “spiritual sex” there are about 121,000,000 results…

Still a lot of fluff and porn to sort through to possibly find the information you seek. When you search the term “Tantra” there are about 18,600,000 results…again, so much information mixed with pornography, fluff and a bunch of unrelated information. So it makes sense that my email is flooded each day with people seeking information. Especially modest people who are not fully comfortable in their bodies. People who are not comfortable filtering through billions of search terms and results to try to find the pearl of wisdom they seek.

No wonder our society is lost. If you do begin to filter through the crap to try to find out what “Tantra” is…there will be as many different perspectives as there are authors, teachers, and practitioners. According to Wikipedia, Tantra is defined as “…he name given by recent scholars to a style of meditation and ritual which arose in India no later than the 5th century AD[1]” 

If you search for the definition of “spiritual sex” or a variety of related terms, the results can be very confusing. There is no one approach to spiritual, sacred sex. To think of sex as non-spiritual seems ridiculous to me, but I realize that I am not “normal”. I definitely dance to the beat of my own drum. For me, sex is spiritual. For me, sex is divine. For me, sex is one path to “enlightenment”. For me, sex is life.

There’s an interesting statement…”sex is life”. We all know that the act of having sex, whether consciously intended or not, has the ability to create life. Without sex, we would not exist. Of course, I am sure that, being as crafty as we are, if for some reason, our ability to have sex was completely taken away…humans would adapt. But this is not a sci-fi, or a post apocalyptic movie, this is just me expressing my thought process…

I wrote yesterday on my website: a bit about the more spiritual aspects of sexuality and it got me thinking. If you feel shame about sex, sexuality, or the raw, sensual thoughts that flow through your mind…you may shut down sexually, or ignore aspects of yourself so that you are able to feel “good” about yourself. If you shut off a piece of yourself, ignore your desires, or totally shut down sexually, you are not whole.

Much like my path to sensual awakening, healing, and transformation, you must find a way to dig in and transform. I am not advocating sexual experimentation that is not in line with your belief system. I am advocating healthy, joyous, and satisfying exploration of your sexuality within the boundaries of your faith, spirituality, and belief system. If you believe that having sex outside of marriage is a sin worthy of a trip to hell in the after life and you do not have the desire to reflect on or change your belief system then follow that path.

If you believe that sex is a healthy, natural part of life and that exploration and experimentation brings you closer to your higher power, then walk that path. If you do not believe in any higher power outside of yourself and your fellow humans and you are 100% uninhibited in your sexual expression and you feel passionate about sexual exploration without boundaries, then follow your path. Of course, any path you are dedicated to may have natural consequences.

Being 100% uninhibited may result in an unwanted pregnancy, std, or other not so sexy result. However, if you are an adult with a firm grasp of your beliefs and understand any potential risks, then I am not here to judge. This is your path, not mine. I am here to create space for reflection, not to judge or alter your belief system. Although I offer myself as a teacher or guide, the first task I seek to complete is to understand and embrace your spiritual or religious path.

In the event that you feel restricted in an unhealthy way by your belief system and you ask for my help to transform your beliefs, then and only then will I help you transform your beliefs. When we are born, our subconscious mind is like a sponge. We have little control over what beliefs we adopt because we do not yet have our critical thinking filter in place. Authority figures in our lives shape our thoughts, our beliefs, and therefore our lives.

As we grow, mature, and develop our own beliefs, the programming from our childhood continues to play over and over again in our heads. If our own mature, fully developed beliefs do not match our subconscious childhood recordings, then we are in a state of constant battle. Our conscious mind and our subconscious minds are at war and it is very challenging to feel grounded. Just like a computer, we must update our minds, our beliefs, and our thought process. This is why the work I do with people tends to be incredibly effective…because together, we work to update your programming to match your current beliefs.

The post I wrote a few days ago about self-love is an integral part of this process. If you have beliefs in your mind that do not match your current lifestyle, you may feel a bit lost. You may feel a lack of self-respect, low self-esteem, or in the more extreme cases, you may even give in to depression. All of this is a result of conditionally loving yourself. Basically, the beliefs held in your subconscious mind do not match your actions, so you are constantly judging yourself. I am here to tell you that you are worthy of unconditional love.

If there is something about your current self-expression that does not match your own beliefs systems, the battle will be even more detrimental. I am here to tell you that you are also capable of change. You are capable of transformation. You are capable of so much beauty, so much love, and you are capable of unconditionally loving yourself. Making love to your beloved and completely losing yourself in the moment is one way to experience transformation.

Masturbating while focusing on deep, profoundly loving feelings towards yourself is another. Meditating on self-love while receiving bodywork from someone who is capable of holding sacred space for you is yet another. There are as many paths to self love as there are people. What path will you travel to unconditional self-love and acceptance? Here is one affirmation for you that may be useful. I deeply and completely love and accept myself as I am and as I shall become. I am worthy of unconditional love, respect, acceptance, and abundance. I AM FREE! (so you see yourself, so you become, action and energy follow your thoughts. FREE!)

That’s all she wrote…from my heart to yours, Joy

Live Love Transform With Joy

Happy couple in love making heart shape over precipice

8 Comments Add yours

  1. Joy, I tried to post a complimentary comment and it was rejected. Don’t know why.
    Namaste and thank you,

  2. Tantrachick says:

    I am not sure what happened there, I did not see your comment. Possibly a wordpress glitch. Tech stuff..hohum. Thank you for your sentiment and support once again! From my heart to yours, Joy

  3. Totally agree with everything you say. Thank You.

  4. Tantrachick says:

    Well you are welcome…thank you for commenting! Joy

  5. Joy, What I wanted to say earlier is that you have a great talent for understanding the core concepts regarding sexuality. As a philosophy grad student, I came to realize that the basic concepts are the hardest ones to grasp. You excel in that arena!
    Earlier, I mentioned two authors by name. Could that be a cause for rejection?

  6. Tantrachick says:

    Hi Dan, thank you. I honestly have no idea. I am not sure if this has happened to anyone else before or not, but no one has ever mentioned having their comment rejected. Even spam comments just get flagged and put into a different section on my WordPress dashboard. I looked in all areas on the dashboard and did not find your comment. Thank you for keeping the conversatio alive, I love community, even the online version 🙂 From my heart to yours, Joy

  7. highlander05 says:

    Hi Joy. Wow, there are some great thoughts there. The thing that struck me the most was your comments on our internal belief system. I feel that having rejected the traditional role of church in my life that I no longer have a morality compass to guide me spiritually. Whether Tantra and sacred sexuality are able to full that that void I don’t know. But it sure sounds like a lot of fun trying! I look forward to your guidance in this. Namaste, Highlander

  8. Tantrachick says:

    Wow, I just wrote an incredibly long response and then accidentally clicked away from it and lost it all. The main point I was making is that I had you and your church/spiritual path in mind and have been contemplating that aspect of you since we first began this path. I think it is part of the key to sensual transformation and awakening for you…From my heart to yours, Joy

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