As a woman who embraces life, adventure, and excitement…and explores sexuality both personally and professionally, it makes sense that my interests would evolve. When I went to the theater to see 50 Shades of Grey, I was only going because the book and movie, although deeply sexual, were totally embraced by main stream media and main stream people alike. It was a bit shocking to be honest.
I chose to see 50 at the Flix Brewhouse. It seemed like every other woman in the entire city also chose the same way to entertain themselves. The movie had been sold out for at least a week. I had pre-ordered my tickets and sat down at a table to be served drinks by a tattoo covered fella with an Australian access and an edgy GQ style to boot. I ordered a mimosa for my daughter and a moscato for myself.
He immediately shared with us that every single “girly drink” they offered was completely sold out. We settled for hard cider, but apparently that was the back up drink of the masses of sexually deprived women having a night on the town drank. So I settled for a Guinness draft. As we waited to enter the movie, I couldn’t help looking around at all of these average looking women.
If this movie had not hit the main stream, they would likely not openly discuss their interest in sacred sex, BDSM, or any other form of “kink”. Somehow, having a book turned into a mainstream movie gave each and every one of them permission to look inside their closet and find the hidden whips and chains.
What pissed me off about the movie is that the author chose to focus on such a typical sexual arrangement (man as DOM, female as sub). I would have found the whole thing so much more titillating and interesting had the author chosen to focus on the opposite arrangement.
I won’t get into the whole psychology behind the movie, or bore you with the potential and actual negative backlash from this movie…what I will focus on instead is the need that this movie unearthed. Over the past few years, life has not been as “magical” or sparkly as it generally is.
I have felt more frustration, sadness, and even anger than I am used to. This dissatisfaction has seeped into every area of my life…including my sex life. I always aim to be honest. I will admit that my 30 day challenge flopped. My guy is too busy, too tire, too over worked to have that kind of pressure on a daily basis. So we have been working on the quality of our encounters rather than the quantity.
This tells me that not only am I dissatisfied on a level with the functionality of our life, but that he is also not fulfilled. So we are working on examining our life and working towards making the changes we need to bring the spark back into out lives. To be clear, the dissatisfaction is not with each other…we are more in love than ever…but our life circumstances could use a make over.
With this frustration and anger comes a level of energy in me that I am not accustomed to. I am finding healthy outlets for it. I am writing erotica again, swimming each day during the week, trying to force myself into docile yoga poses, and exploring my life in a deeper way to see what needs to shift.
All of this is fine and dandy, but I am noticing that this core frustration is still there. It is like an energy trapped in me that needs to be expressed to dissipate. In comes the flogger 😉 At first it felt unnatural. Like a performance or an act. I guess that’s why they call it role playing. It is not as if this is all new to me.
I have educated myself about BDSM over the years because I have had healing sessions with so many people who are/were involved in some way. I have also interviewed a number of “Masters” and “Slaves” in an attempt ti dig deeper and understand the mentality.
I must admit. I am starting to get it. I am not saying I want to cane my lover, or cause him bodily harm, but I have always enjoyed being in charge sexually…this is just a new flavor of control and I hate to admit it…but I like it. So if you are interested in joining the journey with me, I will be writing about what I learn and experience.
From my heart to yours,