Being Tantrachick

Over the past few weeks, I have been working with Nicholas Chalmers, a coach who “Helps entrepreneurs and powerful dreamers perform better by tapping into “inner worthiness.” My intention in working with Nicholas is to overcome my resistance to being “Tantrachick”. We have been using a healing modality called “EFT” (Emotional Freedom Technique) to help me accept this path and some of the challenges associated with being an empowered woman who talks openly about sex, sexuality, and related topics. The work we have done together has been invaluable to me.

To give you a bit of background: I began writing the Tantrachick blog in 2010, so almost 6 years ago! It began as a journal for me. I was writing in a paper diary and on my computer, but it wasn’t enough, so I decided to start a blog. I honestly didn’t think anyone would read it, so I opened up in a way I likely would not have if I realized that, over time, 1 million people would visit my blog. In the beginning, I was just expressing myself and exploring my sensuality as a woman. At some point, maybe 2 years in or so, I realized that people were actually reading my blog!

At first, I felt a bit exposed, but also somewhat excited to facilitate such an important dialogue. I felt so isolated and alone. The isolation I felt stemmed from the fact that I found it impossible to have deep and meaningful conversations about intimate topics and my work, which are both truly important to me.

As an intimacy and relationship coach, everything I deal with is connected to topics that potentially make people feel uncomfortable. The discomfort generally comes from a dark place inside their soul; a place that they may be afraid to shed light on. If we shed light on the “darker” aspects of our being, we have to face them. Unfortunately, a high percentage of people do not want to face their sexuality, especially the deeper recesses of their minds where they stash their hidden desires.

Over the years, I have dealt with a wide range of topics. If that statement leaves you wondering what exactly I mean, here are some of the most common topics that come up in sessions with me:

  • Sexual identity & orientation
  • Fetishes (or as I call them “pleasure triggers”)
  • Sexual abuse, trauma, and transformation
  • Communication challenges
  • Sexual dysfunction and unhealthy or disconnected neuropathways
  • Sacred sexuality, Tantra, Quodoshka teachings, Kama Sutra positions, etc.
  • Sexual intelligence (learning about one’s body, the anatomy, and physiology of the opposite sex, and topics connected to sexual knowledge and awareness)
  • Sensual massage and techniques to enhance lovemaking
  • Sexual transformation and confidence building
  • Nudity and the interconnected inhibitions related to body image
  • Relationship boundaries

This list just begins to touch the surface, but hopefully, it gives you a better idea of the types of topics, emotions, and various sexual expressions I work with on a daily basis. It is not always easy to work with such intimate topics, but it is my life’s passion. I often say, “I wish I had a different super power”. Although sometimes I wish I was passionate about a more openly accepted topics, what I am truly saying is that my desire is that, as a society, we would get over our discomfort with something so natural and beautiful. The average woman will have sex more than 3,000 times over the course of her reproductive years, and 41% of men would like to have sex more frequently, so why aren’t we more comfortable talking openly about sex?

When writing a blog post or talking about my practice, I often have this fear of judgment, but if I reflect on my life as a professional Relationship Coach, Tantra Educator, and Sexologist, I have not received a lot of negative feedback. Every now and then someone sends me an uncomfortable email, comment, or Facebook message, but overall I feel a great deal of acceptance and encouragement. I thank each of my readers, writers, and those of you who take the time to not only share, but also support my endeavors. It means the world to me; you mean the world to me! Without your sharing and support, this path would be much less sparkly!

I will always provide coaching and teach workshops as I love working with people in person, but I am also focusing my energy on my blogging, writing and product development. I have some exciting creative projects under way and I look forward to sharing them with you. I am hoping to find more voices to write on the blog, so if anyone is interested, please send me a writing sample  Also, though my Patreon account is in the early development stages, if you want to gain access to exclusive content, check it out! I look forward to hearing your ideas and feedback as this process unfolds!

From my heart to yours,


Joy Nelson
Photo: Joy Nelson



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