Yesterday Mountain called me and said, “Please stop whatever you’re doing and listen for just a minute.” So I stopped what I was doing and gave him my full attention. He went on to tell me that he had just finished listening to something and he immediately felt like I was supposed to listen to it too. He was being farely non descript, but there was an excitement in his voice that piqued my curiosity. He asked me to grab a pen and write something down.
What he was talking about was a Radiolab Podcast called: Me, Myself, and Muse The part of the podcast that resonated with me was listening to Elizabeth Gilbert (the author of Eat Pray Love…one of the most popular books ever), offering her advice about trusting your intuition and connecting with your muse during a creative process.
Right away I knew why Mountain shared this with me. For those of you who have been reading this blog for awhile (and I know there are a few original readers who have been here the entire 5+ years I have been writing Tantrachick,) I think it is fair to say that I have struggled with writer’s block. I had shared something with Mountain that I don’t think I ever shared on the blog, but today I am ready to share.
When I was first transforming the focus of my professional Hypnotherapy and Life Coaching practice to teaching Tantra and becoming a Sex and Intimacy Coach, I found it hard to accurately describe what this new work was called. On a rare evening where I had the house to myself, I was soaking in the bath while skimming through the pages of a book about Green Tara who is one of the many manifestations of the female bodhisattva who is also known as the Mother of all Buddhas and the Mother of Liberation. As I left the bath and sauntered down the hall to my bedroom, I had an image of Tara in my mind.
I took off my towel, flipped my head forward and wrapped my hair in the towel. As I stood there naked and shivering, I felt sensuous and empowered. I slid under the covers, still thinking of Tara when Shakti popped into my mind. In Hinduism, Shakti (Sanskrit pronunciation: [ˈʃəkt̪ɪ]) (Devanagari: शक्ति; from Sanskrit shak, “to be able”), also spelt as Sakthi or Shakthi, meaning “power” or “empowerment,” is the primordial cosmic energy and represents the dynamic forces that are thought to move through the entire universe.
To me, Shakti is also “She who cannot be contained.” As I lay there under my silky sheets, I kept thinking of Tara and Shakti. As I did so, I felt my life force energy vibrating through my body. My mind cleared, my voice felt strong, my heart was heart open, my body was deeply aroused, and my spirit feeling fully alive. As I lay there in this blissful and open state, I began to caress myself. I focused on the curves of my body, the feel of my skin and as I felt my vibration raise, I began exploring the pleasure held within.
I have no idea how much time passed, but as I felt my orgasm approaching, I imagined both Tara and Shakti. They were sort of hovering above me (I had my eyes closed) so they were an inner vision of sorts. As I looked at them both flaoting above me, I felt penetrated and as my body began to shake with pleasure, I experienced wave after wave of orgasmic energy flowing through me.
As I fully peaked, I saw Shakti and Tara merge into one deity that was still hovering just above me. I am not sure if I spoke out loud, or if it was some inner voice, but I heard the name Shaktara. The combination of Tara and Shakti: Shaktara. It sounded so perfect so right. As I said the name Shaktara, this beautiful deity floated down onto me and then into me. I took a deep breath and felt complete peace. It was in that moment that I understood. I was Shaktara.
In other words, each of these beautiful deities, these stunning Goddesses were inside of me. Not just me, they are inside of all women. I knew that there was so much more for me to discover, for me to learn and experience. That is when I named my business Shaktara Healing Arts. Over the years, I have moved away from this name….
In fact, I realized this morning, after listening to the podcast again, that the muse Elizabeth Gilbert connected with while writing her book, Eat, Pray, Love is similar to my experience with Shaktara. I do not speak to Shaktara like Elizabeth does, and I have a tendency to connect with Shaktara through self-pleasuring, but I believe I have found the missing link. I believe I have found my voice again, my muse; Shaktara.
As I self-pleasured this morning, I felt a shift of energy in my body. I then grabbed a notebook and began writing down thoughts. The words, thoughts, and phrases were random. I will share a few of the thoughts that ran through my mind this morning with you…
- Take the leash off
- Unleash your inner Goddess
- Stop being afraid
- Stop hiding
- Paint, sculpt, sing, dance
- Share all of me
Beyond these thoughts, I visualized my blissful bodywork book and knew immediately it is time to publish her. I also heard my voice, which reinforced the idea that I have been bouncing around about creating a podcast. I feel alive, empowered, and passionate about the path that I see unfolding before me. I am pleased to have you with me. I have a Skype session, so gotta go…talk soon.
From my heart to yours,