Being Vulnerable


Hey lovelies,

During my coaching sessions with Nicholas Chalmers, shit got real. He asked me some penetrating questions (no pun intended). We conducted our sessions via Skype, which seems to bring the core challenges to the surface much more rapidly than during an in-person session. I think it’s because there are no distractions. There is literally just you and this person asking you probing questions. The only person you harm by not being truthful or open is yourself. So like I said, shit got real.

Nicholas was trying to help me figure out what my blocks are and then attempted to help me figure out how I could overcome my blocks. To be clear, the major block we discovered is my reluctance to be more open and public about my work. I know that may seem odd; I mean, I openly talk about sex and intimacy within my personal life. However, there is a part of me that is terrified of success. If my blog becomes more popular, more people will read it. If my books become more popular, more people will read them.

So even though I share on a very deep level, I also hold back. I wasn’t always aware of my block, but that is what I discovered during my sessions. I made a few commitments in session that I have not followed through with. I agreed to write about some of the cases I shared with Nicholas. He seemed to find my work fascinating and expressed that he thought it would be helpful for me to share these stories more publicly. I agreed. Then I didn’t follow through.

It isn’t that I don’t have permission to share. I never share a story that I don’t get direct permission to share. It is more my own challenges that cause me to hold back. The work I do is not mainstream. The work I do is not something you discuss in passing. The work I do is deep; up front and personal. The work I do is meaningful and it also sometimes crosses into taboo realms that can make people feel uncomfortable. I have been contemplating on what I agreed to. Sharing openly the stories my clients personally asked me to share, which happen to also be the stories Nicholas and I discussed in depth.

I came to some personal conclusions. If these stories, these experiences can help even one person who is struggling with a similar issue, then I will share. If I make myself uncomfortable or someone else uncomfortable it simply means that we have opened to a level of vulnerability that is not always comfortable. Opening yourself to thoughts, feelings and experiences that make you uncomfortable is one catalyst for change and transformation. There are a lot of inspirational quotes focusing on the topic of being uncomfortable. This quote by Ashton Kutcher really spoke to me:

“I’m continually trying to make choices that put me against my own comfort zone. As long as you’re uncomfortable, it means you’re growing.”

So let’s be uncomfortable together so that we are able to grow and find peace with being vulnerable and transparent. Let’s be uncomfortable together so that we are able to grow and expand beyond whatever box we put ourselves in. Let’s be uncomfortable together so that we can not only let go of fear but fully conquer our fear. Let’s dive into the real of discomfort and emerge as brave beings who are not afraid to share. Beings who are not afraid to be vulnerable. Beings who are at peace with who we are on a core level.

From my heart to yours,





12 Comments Add yours

  1. Charles Harper III says:

    Nice photo.

    1. Joy says:


  2. sinnerz13 says:

    A great message! It’s what humans fear most being vulnerable.

    1. Joy says:


  3. I am proud of you, Joy! Why do I find your stories so fascinating? Words on a computer screen after all are not always so easy to read, as yours are. I think it’s related to your subject. The number of subjects that are essential to human life, ones we need to come back to over and over, can be written on the back of a postage stamp.

    You are addressing, head-on, one of the most important, interesting and dangerous topics for all humankind, and you do so in an exploratory way, and in a non-threatening way – because you are essentially a kind person, a good person… a mother, a wife, a giver, a healer.

    May your voice find its audience.

    1. Joy says:

      Thanks, Nicholas! Awe, I appreciate the compliment. My audience has now quadrupled in the past few months, so something is working. I enjoy working with you and appreciate you taking the time to comment on my blog! From my heart to yours, Joy

  4. Dark Model says:

    Thank you for this Joy.

    1. Joy says:

      You are most welcome!

  5. Joy, it’s nice to find a kindred spirit in this journey! I’m looking forward to watching you blossom! Dark Model told me about you. I’ll be in touch again soon, I’m sure!

    1. Joy says:

      Ditto! Just checked out your site, love it! Will have to learn more about your offerings as well! Iam also sure our paths will cross soon. Thank you, Dark Model for helping me make beneficial connections! From my heart to both of yours, Joy

      1. Heart smiles and much love!

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