This week has been so interesting. When I was 16, I got into a fight with my step-dad and he kicked me out. He is an all around good guy, no judgments were, just giving you a bit of the background story. So I ventured off to the big T.O. (Toronto, Ontario) without a penny to my name or any real support.
Things got kind of crazy for a bit. At some point, I rented a room from a man who had a successful rap studio in his home. Being a small town girl, living in the city in a home where there were rap artists coming and going at all hours was interesting, to say the least.
We talked about the past a bit. He shared that he was always attracted to me and that I was the girl who “got away”. We did not have a sexual relationship though it was very obvious that he was aroused by my presence and my wild spirit.
What I had completely forgotten about was that I kept a journal back then. He said he had read my journals without me knowing. He expressed that he found it interesting that I now wrote erotica because I also wrote erotica in my journals. I couldn’t believe I had forgotten this about myself.
I had all these emotions, thoughts, and memories that came flooding into my mind, body and soul in response to this revelation. It was almost surreal. I thought back and remembered him laying beside me in bed while I wrote. He now feels like he was part of my practice and inspiration. My muse, of sorts.
Some strange things happened during those years. I am considering re-writing that time in my life through my erotica. I have a lovely woman come to my home each week to clean. Yesterday I started sharing with her and told her that I am an erotica writer.
She was so intrigued. She immediately asked where she could buy my books. I wasn’t comfortable having her read my books. I am very open but find it difficult to let people read my books. I know that is the whole point but I feel so vulnerable and resistant.
She found that totally curious. So she asked me more about it. I said, well, I guess erotica is one of my gifts and I just wish it was a bit less taboo. I continued saying I wish I had a different super power. This is not a new struggle for me.
She laughed so hard, telling me that it must be really hard having such a “sexy superpower.” LOL. She is right. I am working on letting go into myself and accepting my gift. I imagine that once I truly embrace my erotic ramblings, that my writing and my success will improve as well.
On that note, here is RELEASE: Book III of the Miss Joy Series.
From my heart to yours,